Relationships – Supporting A Partner With Mental Illness
You’re in a relationship and everything is going well. Suddenly, nothing. Then the arguments begin. She thinks you’ve checked out. You, on the other hand, struggle to explain that your sudden emotional collapse has nothing to do with her. The more you argue, the harder it becomes to find words. Instead, you turn inwardly, and go through silent battles with anxious, depressed thoughts about what is wrong. You don’t want your girlfriend to think that you’ve plunged into “depression” because of minor relationship problems. You don’t want her to think of you as weak in the face of your storms. After all, you are her man. This is seven months into the relationship. You’re madly in love, but suddenly have no clue how to connect meaningfully with her.
MENTAL ILLNESS AND RELATIONSHIPS
Is it possible to maintain a healthy longterm relationship with someone who is suffering from a mental illness? From the first instance, my instinct was a reluctant “no”.
However, clinical psychologist Anele Siswana, also an author and lecturer at the University of Johannesburg, offers a more optimistic, balanced outlook. “Mental illness will certainly disrupt the nature and quality of a relationship. It comes with a lot of shame, guilt and resentment, but it can be successfully navigated. That sense of shame because of the stereotypes that come with mental illness can contribute negatively if your partner doesn’t have full comprehension of what a mental illness means or looks like. This is why psycho-education is a crucial first step in navigating a relationship with a partner with a mental illness.”
THE STIGMA
Living with a mental illness is difficult, and the stigma attached to it adds a layer that makes it hard for people to disclose and be honest about their state of mental health. The partner with the challenges might hide their symptoms because of what people perceive around mental illness. This is
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There is always hope.
It is possible to have a healthy, loving and long-term partnership with someone who has a mental illness. This is a condition, and does not define one’s being. Much like a physical illness would not change your essence. Be aware of the unique challenges that your partner may face as a result of the condition. Use resources that would allow you to grow and nurture your relationship. Read books on mental health.
Seek help if you or your loved one is struggle with mental health. Also, empower them to constantly see the need to get help, and create a climate for them to understand mental health without judgement.
Some disorders are very difficult to deal with. But, do help your partner to understand your symptoms, triggers and episodes. Share your treatment process and state of being. That will significantly improve the quality of your relationship.