how i met your mother!

what exactly is in barney’s flat?

how i met your mother Season 8 e.tv Sundays 19:30

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achelor pad: noun – “a male sanctuary that is designed as a collective space with the purpose of facilitating a bachelor in his daily activities to include but not limited to functionality, use of free time, hobbies and interests, entertaining friends and seducing women”. there’s only one problem – barney stinson (neil patrick harris) isn’t a bachelor anymore in how i met your mother’s (2005-2014) eighth season. and on sunday 1 march, fiancée robin (cobie smulders) wants the former ladies’ man to give up his beloved pad, also known as the fortress of barnitude. they hold an open hour and barney makes sure that he scares off prospective buyers by showing them secrets that he’s used over the years to chase off his flings… like…

One for the money: ever noticed how things in the fortress that normally come in pairs (or more) don’t? from pillows to towels, barney’s made it clear that he’s the only person staying there. halt, who goes there?: it’s no darth vader, but barney does have a full-size star wars stormtrooper in his lounge. why? simple: “it’s awesome!” although not that awesome when you’re walking through the lounge in the middle of the night and get scared half to death by it! The manliest toilet seat ever: since most of barney’s female visitors have stayed just one night (if that), there’s no need for the toilet seat to stay down. unless constant pressure’s applied, his seat stays up with a smooth spring action!

Safe from prying eyes: barney is a bachelor legend and he’s recorded all his knowledge in his playbook. to make sure that no snooping overnight guest finds his secrets, he’s hidden his playbook and bro code books in secret compartments around the place. now as long as no one finds that compartment-revealing button on his sword… Now you see me: should any of his “guests” become too clingy, our hero’s got a hidden escape chute from the kitchen to the alley behind the building. appropriately it’s called “escape from bitch mountain”.

Alarm bells: any female voice saying phrases like “i want a deeper commitment” or “let’s snuggle” triggers smoke alarms throughout the apartment. that way, barney will know when he’s in trouble and that it’s time to use escape from bi…

Weighed up: barney’s got standards… and by standards, he means women entering his pad need to have the looks and weight of supermodels. while his eyesight’s good for part 1, he’s hidden a scale under the welcome mat at the front door. that way, he can take a quick peek to see if his newest conquest weighs up to his needs.

baked goods: bachelors don’t cook. they eat what they want, when they want, how they want. and since barney’s place isn’t where women stay, there’s no need for a real oven. instead, barney’s kitchen features a genuine cardboard oven.

Telly time: proving that bigger is always better, barney’s got two 300-inch tvs in his apartment. they’re custom made in japan and so big and bright that they light up the entire apartment when they’re switched on. “they only sell them in japan,” barney says. “but i know a guy.”

The floater: if you’ve seen 1978’s superman movie, you’ll know about barney’s jor-el cam. he’s got a projector that will beam his face into the lounge (like superman’s dad jor-el) and it floats while talking to whoever’s standing there – barney’s hiding in the closet talking into a connected camera.

we’re glad that we’re not poor barney, who’s being forced to choose between the love of his life… and robin.