A window of mutual respect

JACQUES and Lee Mars-Cilliers, both 29, have the 2010 Soccer World Cup to thank for their relationship.

The couple married on August 9, 2014, at the Cullinan Hotel in Cape Town, surrounded by friends and family.

But as they were deeply in the closet as youngsters, their initial meeting in 2003, at a leadership camp when they were in Grade 11, might never have gone anywhere.

“We were both still deeply closeted at the time, so the first chapter of our love story only started after one of the 2010 Soccer World Cup games in Cape Town.

“We were at one of the afterparty venues and we recognised each other from across the room.

“We got to talking and eventually swapped numbers. Neither of us thought that the other was gay at the time. But it seemed like both were quite hopeful because we continued messaging each other and sent each other really long messages on Facebook.”

The couple had their first date at the Royale Eatery on Long Street, and both recall the evening as “magnificent”; one they wished would never end.

“We sat under the fairy lights, staring at Table Mountain with our drinks in our hands while we laughed the night away. Even though it was only the first date, we had what we could call real moments in our conversation that again gave us hope that this could be something special.”

The two admit to dealing with a lot of prejudice as a result of their sexual orientation, but say that loving each other was more important than what was socially acceptable.

“Our childhood experiences were not the greatest because we were gay, but in order to overcome that one would need to surround yourself with people who really care for you, and who have your best interests at heart.

“The larger society might not be as readily accepting of gay marriage or the lifestyle, but we were, and are fortunate enough to have an understanding family,” they said.

Communicating openly and honestly are their key ingredients for a successful relationship.

“This is and was such an important thing for us that we included it in our vows – to promise to communicate openly and bravely. With open communication comes the ability to share your feelings and to allow your partner to understand what it is that you are feeling. Even if something seems irrational or silly, everyone’s feelings are valid and we would need to respect that about each other.

“Another important aspect to our relationship is treating each other with respect, even when we don’t feel like it. The above two tend to go hand in hand,” they added.

This year, the couple will trek down memory lane and enjoy Valentine’s Day where they enjoyed their first date.

“We do not buy each other gifts on Valentine’s Day. Instead, we choose to share experiences with each other. For example, going on a drive up the coast, or a lovely dinner. Apart from our anniversary, it is another day we can show our appreciation for each other.

“Life is sometimes really tough and it is nice to know you have your partner next to you to make it a more pleasant journey,” they added.