Moving experience – why children should be included in all aspects of relocating

ALTHOUGH there are many exciting aspects about moving to a new home, the move itself can be a very stressful process, particularly for children.

A change in routine and possible lifestyle can bring about fear and anxiety in children, especially if they are not fully prepared for what is about to happen.

Adrian Goslett, regional director and chief executive of RE/MAX of Southern Africa, says that although moving can be an anxious event for children, much of the negative emotional impact can be minimised if the parents deal with the process in a positive manner.

“Moving can be a positive experience, provided parents can keep their children’s anxiety levels as low as possible,” says Goslett.

He says the reason for the move has a lot to do with how much stress is involved in the process. If the move is due to upgrading to a larger home or a better neighbourhood, there will be far less upheaval than if the reason for the move is because of reduced income or the loss of a family unit.

“Another factor is the timing of the move. Very young children and older children generally take moving in their stride, while those between 11 and 14 seem to be more affected,” says Goslett.

Irrespective of the reason for the move, Goslett says there are ways that parents can make the transition easier for their children.

● Communication is key – It is important to make children aware of the move as early into the process as possible, as this will give them time to get used to the idea. Children will have a higher level of anxiety if they are not fully aware of the details.

● Highlight the positive aspects. In some instances children may think moving will mean leaving their favourite things behind, so parents should ensure the children know that their toys and pets are coming along.

● Children often feel most secure when they have a consistent routine and elements regardless of the circumstances, such as play schedules, bedtimes or the fact that they have a loving family that supports them.

During the moving process, allow the children to say goodbye. This aspect does not just relate to neighbours and their friends, but also some of their favourite local places such as the park. It might be worthwhile to tell the children that they might be able to visit those friends or places at another time in the future.

● During the move it might be better for the children to be at a friend or family member. Seeing all their possessions loaded into a truck and hauled away can be an upsetting experience for some children.

In the new home, setting up the children’s bedroom first will establish an area in the home that is familiar and safe.

● It will take time to adjust and acclimatise to the new surroundings – take the children around the new area and explore. This is a great way to find nearby parks and activities for them to do.

● The only way to become a part of a community is to get involved. This could be in the form of joining the local church or playgroup. Getting plugged into the community will help make it feel like home.

● It is very important that regardless of children’s reaction to the move, they know that their parents are paying attention to their emotions and needs. They may need to be reminded that there is no wrong or right emotion and that their feelings are valid.

“An important element in reducing the stress on children is the parents supporting and helping each other to deal with the change in circumstances. As with most situations, mutual support is vital to ensure that adults and children adjust to the move as seamlessly as possible,” Goslett says.