ON THE COUCH

age, but I’m guessing he was young, too), and although he behaved badly, he must have had his reasons. The fact he’s contacting you suggests those reasons were to do with him, not you.

It also suggests he wants to persuade you he’s changed – for the better in many ways, hopefully – but in one very significant way, he’s stayed the same: he still has feelings for you.

If you’d decided, or realised, his calling off the wedding at the 11th hour was the latest in a catalogue of bad behaviour and if you never saw him again it would be too soon, then this would be cut and dried.

You wouldn’t have been asking for advice. You’d file his letter under finished business. But there’s obviously a corner of your heart where a flame still burns for him.

I’m relieved he didn’t contact you straight after your husband’s sad death. And although there’s no time limit on these things, no one could say there hasn’t been a decent interval since.

As it’s mutual friends who helped in all this, you have to believe they think well of him. You’re older and wiser, so you’ll be able to tell if he’s been a serial heartbreaker in the intervening years.

Don’t expect too much and don’t invest too much of yourself, either. It may not be forever, but it might be fun.

In some ways, you’d be starting again. You might have lost the fireworks and passion of youth, but that’s no bad thing. It must have taken courage to get in touch with you, too, because quite apart from how you felt about being jilted, plenty of your friends and family will remember it only too well. They might take some persuading he should come back into your life, but they’ll also be looking out for you.

He has a lot of explaining to do, and you’re right to be cautious. But the fact you’re even considering it is a testament to your faith in love and your willingness to believe there’s good in people.

One lesson of your long and happy marriage is that being part of a couple suits you. If you have shared interests and outlook, you may yet find companionship with him. – Daily Mail