Children should get to grips with death

DEAR BEL, My dear great-aunt passed away peacefully at her home earlier this week. She was “waked” for two days, and will be brought back (to her bed, no coffin) on Tuesday evening, taken to the church on Wednesday evening and buried on Thursday.

She was only 78 – bright eyed, elegant and as sharp as a pin. My relationship with her grown-up children (we are all 40-plus) goes from strength to strength as we step into the roles of leading the family – arranging parties, sharing news, etc.

We are an Irish family, living in England all our lives.

To the point – my year-old separation from my ex is difficult. He does not agree with my intentions of taking my 12-yearold to the funeral and then (after school) bringing my 9 and 4-year-old back to my aunt’s house for the wake.

He knows because he will need to collect the children from there at 6.30pm that evening ahead of his weekend visit. I have taken on board his comments, but do not agree with them.

I think my children should feel the strength of all the family gathering together for a few short hours.

Furthermore, a gentle introduction like this to a funeral and grief is an experience that may help them when they have to deal with it for someone particularly close to them, like their own grandparent.

I feel that my ex is simply saying no to demonstrate some control.

Just because I do not agree with him does not mean I am disregarding his thoughts, which appear equally as strong as my own regarding this matter.

I do not wish to flare this up into “me and my divorce” by discussing it at too much length with family (it is not the time or place) and so I would welcome your view.