Composed Zuma has witches in his sights

THE PRESIDENT, something of a dandy when it comes to sporting the mantle of personal victimhood, will say the darndest things when his back’s up and he’s in a bit of a jam.

And these days those darndest things are coming on thick and fast.

Like the suggestion that, when he goes on pension, he will become an ANC volunteer and “work like a madman”.

Like the admission that, while he himself is not one, he does know quite a few thieves.

As Jacob Zuma reportedly told supporters in Pietermaritzburg last week: “The truth is I am not a thief and there is no evidence to support this claim. That is why I am not bothered by such accusations. The truth is those who are accusing me of stealing are the ones who are enriching themselves through theft. I know who they are.”

Which, alas, was more than the rest of us knew, here at the Mahogany Ridge.

But our gobs, you could say, came in for some smacking upon learning that he intends penning a memoir in which a detailed account of these “secrets” about certain individuals would be revealed.

“Long when I am gone, when you are old, you will read in a book what I am referring to right now. One day when I am retired I will write my book and you will realise why I said what I said. This is because I know where things went wrong. I know who are the witches at work. It is fine when the enemy is at a distance, but when it is your friend, it is not easy because they know your weaknesses.”

These former allies made dangerous enemies, he suggested, because “they knew where your ancestors were buried”.

And the ancestors of many others, no doubt.

There was a great deal of speculation as to whether this book would be of the prison diary sort with a few tilts at a possible title. Accused Number One, many felt, had a certain something.

Some of us, however, wanted to know about these witches. Was one of them perhaps Frene Ginwala, the deputy chairwoman of the ANC’s integrity commission, before whom Zuma will appear this coming Saturday?

According to the Mail & Guardian, it’s understood he will be questioned on the Constitutional Court ruling on Nkandla and former public protector Thuli Madonsela’s State of Capture report. The meeting, behind closed doors, will also deal with the party’s poor showing in local government elections. Last month, Ginwala criticised Zuma for refusing to answer Madonsela’s questions – but it was nowhere near as severe as the dressing down he received from ANC stalwart Andrew Mlangeni, who chairs the integrity commission.

Speaking to sister title The Star, the 91-year-old former Robben Islander accused Zuma of killing both the South African economy and the ANC and condemned party leaders for not doing the right thing after the Nkandla Constitutional Court judgment.

“I am saying it could have been handled differently,” Mlangeni said. “I think they should have taken a decision and asked him to resign because by not resigning he has killed the organisation and the economy of the country has gone down.”

Some ANC leaders have played down the significance of Zuma’s appearance before the integrity commission. “It’s not what you think,” secretary-general Gwede Mantashe told the M&G. “They called him (in) to discuss the state of the organisation, that’s all.”

Some commentators, however, believe otherwise and a poster for a Zuma “memorial” lecture in Gugulethu has been circulating on social media. Purportedly organised by the Western Cape ANC Youth League, the lecture coincides with the president’s appearance before the commission. The advertised keynote speaker was Kebby Maphatsoe, national chairman of the Umkhonto weSizwe Military Veterans’ Association and a customer who insists on a 50 percent discount on manicures at Mbombela’s renowned Jinxu-Chinese massage parlour.

News of the lecture has come as a bit of a surprise to the league. Spokesman Siyabulela Tom has issued a statement: “We have no knowledge of such an event organised by the ANCYL Western Cape. The ANCYL would like to inform young people of the province that President Zuma is very much alive and present.”

And, last we checked, that was indeed the case. Unbothered, too.