Diversity of viewpoints can be an asset in our friendships

Q: A GOOD friend of mine is wildly into astrology, superstitions, the idea that if you visualise things hard enough, you can make them happen, etc.

It makes her seem less intelligent than she is, and I cringe when she is in larger groups talking about these things. For instance, she sincerely believes our personalities are dictated by when we were born, and it’s among the first things she asks when she meets someone new.

I get embarrassed for her (or maybe of her?) when she is like this around others.

A: I can understand how cringeworthy this is – maybe it’s the Sagittarius in me – but you’re taking on too much mental responsibility for how your friend appears to others.

Sure, if she was your wife, favourite professor or spiritual adviser, then her world-view would reflect something more significant about who you are as a person. But as it is, she’s just a friend who you’ve embraced for her other qualities, and you need not be defined by any given set and everyone is free to make up their own minds.

Q: I am looking to move away from a controlling relationship in the most seamless way possible. I know I need to leave, but I am unsure about how to actually make this happen, how to move on without hurting anyone. A: Good for you. Of course you don’t want to hurt “anyone”, but the most important thing I can do in this space is convince you that it’s you that you should be most concerned with. I am not sure where you are in this process logistically, or how much physical help you may need, but it is so important for you to keep moving forward.

You will likely have second thoughts, fear, guilt and sadness – all natural reactions – but don’t get stuck.

Most people in controlling relationships have become used to worrying about the well-being of others at the expense of their own selves. Enlist a support team that will help you put your own well-being first. The more solid, honest and trustworthy the connections, the better. – Washington Post