Weekend Argus (Saturday Edition)
Reeva’s parents gripped by grief five years on
FIVE years after Oscar Pistorius killed his then-girlfriend Reeva Steenkamp on Valentine’s Day, her mother still grieves as if it were yesterday.
“It’s frozen in my mind,” said June Steenkamp, 71.
“The pain of losing her is in my thoughts every day. It will always be there for me.
“In certain ways her death destroyed part of our lives. It’s the worst thing that could have ever happened to me.
“When Reeva was about 4 or 5 one of my friends said to me, ‘ June, don’t love things too much, they get taken away from you.’ That’s something I’ll never forget. She could see how much I loved my child. That stuck in my mind. And Reeva’s death cemented it.”
The loss of a child, she said, had no timetable.
“One would imagine that after five years it would be easier. But it’s actually not. Some days are still very hard. She was such an inspiring person and devoted to Barry and I.
“We miss her. She was a shining light in our lives. She loved us. So it’s difficult living without that person. I think I will go to my death with this.”
To commemorate Reeva’s death and birthday, June and husband Barry head down to Port Elizabeth’s Summerstrand beach.
“After Reeva swam with the dolphins in Tropika ( Island of Treasure) she said it was the best experience of her life. So we spread her ashes in the sea with the dolphins. One year they drifted slowly past us and that felt like she knew we were there. That was so emotional. We float roses in the sea and say a prayer with friends who join us. You often see dolphins there, jumping out of the water but that time they just floated past. It was incredibly peaceful.”
For the rest of the year the Reeva Steenkamp Foundation keeps June’s head up. Launched in 2015, the nonprofit organisation aims to educate children about violence, bullying and abuse.
“I thought straight away of a foundation to protect women, for awareness for them to realise what they were involved in,” said June.
“Violence against women is escalating daily. Reeva was already working against abuse, now I’m taking the baton and going forward with it.”
“Obsessed” with the foundation, June said seeing it make a difference would have given her “great pleasure” and “make Reeva incredibly proud of me”.
“I’m sure she knows what I’m doing.”
Her ultimate aim for the foundation is to establish a refuge for battered and abused women.
“But financially it’s challenging. We’ve had fundraising events and we’ve hired a fundraiser but we need a couple of generous benefactors to back us for several years. That would be wonderful.”
June said she had moved beyond Pistorius.
But it was almost impossible to avoid his name in a conversation about her psychological pain.
“I’ve forgiven Oscar for killing my daughter,” she said.
“I’m a Christian. God expects me to forgive. But He doesn’t expect the person not to be punished. He has to be punished. A lot of people don’t understand that, but it’s true. For me it’s true.”
Pistorius has never been told that he has been forgiven, said June.
“I haven’t had contact with him. What must I say to the man who killed my daughter? There’s nothing to say.
“If he murdered your daughter, would you want to talk to him? Would you want to personally talk to him? I don’t think so. Talking to him is not possible. It’s not for me. I’m over it now,” June said.
She is also over those Pistorius fans who still blame her for his demise.
“I don’t take it personally anymore. It doesn’t hurt anymore.
“One of my friends once said, ‘June you were nothing and nobody until your daughter died.’ I was horrified. But I never reacted. I just take that sort of person out of my life. She’s now an ex-friend. If I didn’t walk away I’d be in an institution by now.”