Number One’s legacy staggers on drunkenly

I WOKE on Thursday a little worse for wear and the first thought that entered my head was, “Jeez, I’m already missing the bozo”. Happily – and unlike the after effects of the previous evening’s rum and fermented thistle wort cocktails – this notion soon passed.

In fact, sobriety (of a sort) returned the moment we switched channels, here at the Mahogany Ridge, for the live broadcast from the National Assembly of Cyril Ramaphosa’s nomination for state president.

It was immediately apparent, even to the most befuddled among the regulars, that Accused Number One’s legacy was very much still with us. The tail of that particular jackal, you could say, was certainly long and thick.

Proceedings began with the usual fun and games. The EFF walked out in protest prior to Ramaphosa’s nomination, but not before Julius Malema had suitably riled up Small Business Development Minister Lindiwe Zulu with a jibe about “illiterates” in the ANC benches.

The pugnacious Zulu was bellowing away across the floor at the departing EFF MPs when one of them turned and shot back at her with all the rosy cheer of an anthrax toddy, “Bye, Ginger!”

There was nothing new in this, of course. The EFF have been goading Ginger ever since they arrived in Parliament, but the thought did occur that opposition MPs may soon be bidding farewell to quite a few other ministers, and in circumstances that could be fairly bitter for elements of the ruling party.

True, it was a moderate and civil performance from Ramaphosa, who presented himself as a gracious and humble servant of “our people” in his comments to the National Assembly after his election. But there’s no denying he has inherited a gargantuan mess; fixing things will inevitably require bloody and dirty toil.

There will be heads on spikes. Ministers will need axing.

Cheerio, then, Public Service and Administration Minister Faith Muthambi. Auf Wiedersehen, Social Development Minister Bathabile Dlamini. Totsiens, Cooperative Governance and Traditional Affairs Minister Des van Rooyen.

So long, Mineral Resources

Minister Mosebenzi Zwane. Au revoir, Finance Minister Malusi Gigaba. Hamba kahle, Energy Minister David Mahlobo. Ditto, Public Enterprises Minister Lynne Brown. You too, State Security Minister Bongani Bongo… And we could be here for hours if we had to list all the dead wood walking in that captured cabinet.

There are those who suggest that Ramaphosa will have to tread carefully here, that he is in a difficult position as he first has to reconcile opposing factions within the ANC to unite the party behind him.

But recent events suggest otherwise. Zupta Inc’s teeth have been pulled, the Nkandla-Saxonwold axis is broken, and allegiances have swiftly shifted.

By the time this column is wrapping fish, the ranks of the Buffalo faction will have swollen considerably as scores of Zuma “loyalists” continue to jump ship. It’s not the fittest who survive here, just the craven and selfinterested.

Ramaphosa, in other words, has nothing to lose by cleaning house pronto. And, of course, if the present mood of the country is any indication, he may even win back lost support for the party. It seems a no-brainer.

Which brings us to the week’s other fun: the arrests and ongoing investigation by the Hawks into the massive Estina dairy farm fraud.

It’s been a while coming, but the cows have certainly come home, and it really does appear as if our lust for revenge remains as healthy as ever.

As I write, the manhunt for the former president’s son, Duduzane Zuma, is still on. The boy has had quite a chequered career with the Guptas.

They first employed him when his father was deputy president, dismissed him when then President Thabo Mbeki sacked his father, then, when uBaba’s fortunes turned, they rehired him, throwing in a Dubai apartment.

Now Ajay Gupta’s on the run, too, hopping from one safe house to the next all over Gauteng, heavily-armed bruiser goons in tow, always one step ahead of the Hawks.

Yesterday, Hawks spokesman Brigadier Hangwani Mulaudzi said Ajay was still in the country despite earlier reports that he’d left for Dubai.

But I wonder if the authorities are still keeping an eye on OR Tambo International Airport for a man in a burqa and a moustache, clutching black garbage bags of cash…