How to manage aggressive behaviour in children

People believe behavioural issues in youth is a result of poor parenting, but there is often a biological component

BEHAVIOUR problems in children, especially aggression and defiance, don’t get a great deal of sympathy, says Dave Anderson, a psychologist who is senior director of national programmes at the Child Mind Institute in New York.

“For a child to get better requires just as much empathy and scaffolding as for a child who might be depressed, but behavioural issues inspire nowhere near as much empathy.”

There is a persistent belief that these behaviours reflect poor parenting, he says, but in fact there is often a strong biological component to behavioural issues.

“If you’re going to have persistent behaviour problems involving aggression and defiance, it’s already elevated at age two,” says Michael F Lorber, a senior research scientist with the Family Translational Research Group at New York University.

In a study published last year in the Lorber and his colleagues looked at

477 children from six to 24 months of age, asking their mothers to report on how often in the past month the children had shown specific behaviours, including kicking, hitting, pulling hair, biting, and hurting animals.

These behaviours were very common, with some actions (hitting or smacking someone) much more common than others

(hurting animals). The prevalence of the behaviours tended to increase over time, with hitting peaking at 18 months, and kicking and pushing, as well as throwing objects at people, peaking at 20 months. “Eight of 10 kids were

Journal of Pediatrics, hitting and smacking at 18 months,” Lorber says. “The terrible twos started before two.”

Not only were more toddlers hitting as they got older, but they were hitting more frequently.

On the other hand, hairpulling decreased with age, as did scratching, and the researchers speculated that the increased incidence of those behaviours among the younger children may reflect the close contact they have, as they are usually being held.

The researchers suggested that paediatricians can reassure parents that these behaviours are normal in small children, but also guide parents, right from the beginning, in setting limits and responding in ways that may help – redirecting or distracting a child – rather than by punishing the child with anger, yelling or spanking.

Anderson says parents should set up clear expectations before a problem develops, thinking about how to manage getting ready for school the next morning, for example, if today didn’t go well. And they should offer specific positive feedback for positive behaviours, rather than worrying that they will “jinx” those good behaviours.

“With aggression, lots of parents have a ‘go big or go home’ approach: My child picked a fight, so no play dates, no TV,” privileges rescinded indefinitely, Anderson says. “The reality is that big punishments do not translate to better behaviour. Instead, punishments should be immediate, consistent and used in small doses; parents should look for ways to remove a privilege for a short time, and establish clear expectations for better behaviour.” – The New York Times

Parents should set clear expectations before a problem begins and give children their positive feedback for good behaviour