GET READY FOR THE SPEC­TAC­U­LAR ELEC­TION CIR­CUS

Weekend Argus (Sunday Edition) - - CITIZENS - DEN­NIS PATHER den­[email protected]

ROLL UP, roll up! The 2019 elec­tion cir­cus is com­ing to town in May.

Get ready for a breath­tak­ing ex­trav­a­ganza of blun­der and blus­ter, fea­tur­ing some of the coun­try’s best­known clowns, po­lit­i­cal ac­ro­bats and per­form­ing party an­i­mals all com­pet­ing for the op­por­tu­nity to keep the na­tion en­ter­tained for the next five years.

There are comic en­ter­tain­ers ga­lore, and among those with top billing is the man run­ning the

ANC’s elec­tion ma­chin­ery, Fik­ile Mbalula, who mis­tak­enly en­cour­aged vot­ers re­cently to reg­is­ter for the op­po­si­tion EFF; ANC mil­i­tary vet­eran Carl Niehaus who lied about a fam­ily death to pay off a per­sonal debt; DA stal­wart He­len Zille who re­jects apartheid, but is par­tial to colo­nial­ism; and ex-fi­nance min­is­ter, Malusi Gi­gaba who tick­les vot­ers’ funny bones with his lit­tle pinkie.

The cir­cus will also give you an op­por­tu­nity to witness dis­plays of po­lit­i­cal jug­gling and ac­ro­bat­ics not seen since apartheid cab­i­net min­is­ter Piet “Prom­ises” Koorn­hof per­formed his in­fa­mous som­er­sault in 1992 when mar­ry­ing a woman of colour and switch­ing to the ANC.

But the Big Top is never com­plete with­out our pet friends and fea­tur­ing at Elec­tion 2019 will be party an­i­mals across the en­tire po­lit­i­cal spec­trum.

In fact, vot­ers in South Africa are spoilt for choice as, at the last count, there were 563 po­lit­i­cal par­ties reg­is­tered for the poll. Take your pick.

You could be an old-fash­ioned tra­di­tion­al­ist and set­tle for one of the fan­cied can­di­dates – Cyril Ramaphosa, Mmusi Maimane or even Julius Malema, although the

EFF leader ap­pears to have suf­fered from laryn­gi­tis in the run-up.

Or you could opt for some­thing more ad­ven­tur­ous like the Dagga Party, the Abo­li­tion of In­come Tax Party, the Bol­she­vik

Party or even the Keep It Straight and Sim­ple Party.

Who knows, you might even in­voke a spe­cial bless­ing from above by plac­ing your cross against God’s Peo­ple’s Party?

Adding to the ex­cite­ment this year is an un­holy scram­ble by per­son­al­i­ties in the news hop­ing to cash in on their pop­u­lar­ity or no­to­ri­ety.

Prom­i­nent among them is Aunt Pa­tri­cia who’s frankly too much of a whinger to be pres­i­dent, but has notched up enough pub­lic­ity in her bat­tle against the DA to earn her a good place on the back benches.

For­mer SABC chief op­er­at­ing of­fice, Hlaudi “90% or noth­ing” Mot­soe­neng is also in the hunt, con­fi­dent that his new party will rule South Africa af­ter the poll.

Any­one know where the safety bunkers are hid­den?

And not to be out­done will be that well known Gupta dis­ci­ple, Mzwanele “Jimmy” Manye, who, hav­ing failed with his New Age news­pa­per and ANN7 ven­tures, is hop­ing to cash in at the ATM.

That’s the acro­nym of his new party, African Trans­for­ma­tion Move­ment and money doesn’t ap­pear to be an im­ped­i­ment.

“If the Gup­tas will give me money, I will take it,” he told jour­nal­ists.

So, roll up, roll up. Prom­ises are on the house, courtesy of the can­di­dates.

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