Psychosexual therapist Julia Cole wrote How to Stay Together Forever (Vermilion), and coauthored How to Have Great Sex for the Rest of Your Life (Little, Brown).
TAKE A PERSONAL INVENTORY OF YOUR SEX LIFE What do you enjoy sexually? What makes you feel aroused? What no longer works? Middle age is a natural time to move away from the mass and better understand yourself.
TALK TO YOUR PARTNER ABOUT IT
– rather than hoping he’ll somehow get the message. Remember, he’ll probably be grappling with anxieties, too. Don’t assume any reluctance to engage in sex means he doesn’t find you attractive. Middle-age wobbles aren’t one-sided.
GET CURIOUS Instead of feeling you know each other inside out, reconnect through new adventures. Surprise each other with ‘expanding activities’ – like dancing lessons together. Stepping out of your comfort zone together helps you see one another through new eyes.
THE ‘SMALL THINGS’ In middle age, many of the ‘small things’ disappear, too. Affection. A hello kiss. Saying thank you! You’ve both been busy, bad habits creep in. Don’t take each other for granted.