I feel re­ally silly in sexy lin­gerie. Do guys re­ally care about these things?

Women's Health (South Africa) - - GUY NEXT DOOR -

AN­SWER Lin­gerie is a con­struct. Think of it as wrap­ping, if you like, and you as the present. Some guys love wrap­ping and oth­ers don’t (they lit­er­ally think a black bag does the job when hand­ing over a pressie). Some guys will find you sexy in dun­ga­rees or a muumuu or your birthday suit, while for oth­ers sim­ply see­ing you wear­ing their old T-shirt will drive them over the edge. What is NB is for you to feel sexy. If you feel re­ally un­com­fort­able, then don’t do it. But if you just feel silly, re­mem­ber that sex – while ex­cit­ing, ex­hil­a­rat­ing and ful­fill­ing on a men­tal, phys­i­cal and spir­i­tual level – is also hi­lar­i­ous. Two adults, try­ing to get off, while look­ing half-de­cent... If you don’t feel a bit silly (or ac­knowl­edge the silli­ness of it) then you might be miss­ing out.

MY NEW BF WAS DEV­AS­TATED WHEN HIS EX CHEATED ON HIM AND IT STILL SEEMS TO HAUNT HIM. I ONCE CHEATED ON A GUY. DOES HE NEED TO KNOW?

AN­SWER It’s hard to say. I would not vol­un­teer that in­for­ma­tion right now be­cause he sounds se­ri­ously hurt at the mo­ment and may not be able to dif­fer­en­ti­ate be­tween his ex’s “crimes” and stuff that hap­pened in your past. Why you cheated on a guy could be to­tally in­no­cent and jus­ti­fied (he was cheat­ing on you, the guy was a dick, the re­la­tion­ship was ba­si­cally over)... Or maybe it was a car­bon copy of what his ex did to him. It’s worth re­mem­ber­ing that we are never ex­actly who we were sec­onds, min­utes, hours, days, weeks, months or years be­fore. Who you were when you cheated on that guy is not ex­actly who you are now. If your new BF asks, then tell him (in­sert philo­soph­i­cal face and voice and muse wist­fully about a dif­fer­ent time). And, in the mean­time, un­der­stand­ing how messed up he was from this stuff, keep his trauma in mind for the du­ra­tion of your re­la­tion­ship whether it’s two months or hap­pily ever af­ter. If you ever do break up with him, do it with re­spect.

DO GUYS DE­CIDE TO GET MAR­RIED BE­CAUSE OF THE RIGHT GIRL – OR JUST THE RIGHT TIME?

AN­SWER It’s dif­fer­ent for ev­ery guy, but usu­ally it’s a combo of both. Re­gard­ing the right­time side of things, it de­pends on what is deemed “nor­mal” in their fam­ily or their friend group. Some guys will never get mar­ried in their 20s, no mat­ter the girl. Oth­ers are ex­pected to get on with it. You might find that they are part of a quick-out­the-blocks crowd. Or maybe they are bit­ter-en­ders, liv­ing it up in their 20s and 30s un­til they fi­nally de­cide that, be­cause ev­ery­one else is do­ing it, they should too, so they’re not the only sin­gle dudes at the braai. You will al­ways get early adopters and latelies who hang on for­ever. Most of us fall into the mid­dle.

50 SHADES OF BLUSH­ING.

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