TIPS FOR COPING WITH FAILURE
“Failing matric isn’t failing life – it’s merely one setback,” says career guidance counsellor Annette Miller. “If you handle this situation wisely, you can grow amazingly and will have learnt a useful life skill.”
ACCEPT YOUR EMOTIONS
Failure hurts and you shouldn’t minimise that or push it away. It’s likely to come with all sorts of emotions: embarrassment, anxiety, anger, sadness and shame, or a mixture of all these uncomfortable feelings.
Take the time to reflect and engage with your emotions rather than avoiding them, says Megan Clerk, an educational psychologist from Johannesburg. Recognise and accept them for what they are.
SEPARATE THE FAILURE FROM YOUR IDENTITY
This is a tricky one that may take some time to settle in your mind, but remind yourself that failure is just a setback – it’s not a reflection of who you are as a person. Failure, setbacks and disappointment are an expected part of life and learning.
RELY ON YOUR SUPPORT NETWORK
Talk to the people close to you about how you’re feeling, whether it’s your parents, friends or trusted family members. Leaning on those around you for support is important as you figure out what to do next, Clerk says.
LEARN FROM THE FAILURE
Use it as an opportunity for constructive criticism. Understanding why you failed can help you realise what you need to do differently or what the shortcomings are that you need to work on.
There may have been factors that were beyond your control. Whatever the case, ask yourself what you can learn from the experience and think about changes you could make to the way you think about and approach challenges.
MOVE FORWARD
Consider your options. Does it make sense to apply for a remark or to rewrite your exams? Should you consider a qualification that doesn’t require a matric pass?
Even if it takes a while to work through your feelings, it’s important to have an end goal in sight, says Linda Fekisi of the Independent Institute of Education. You should work towards it regardless of where you currently find yourself.
“Getting good habits going will help you build your mental, physical and emotional resilience little by little each day,” Fekisi says. “It will also help you realise and accept that you need to slightly adjust your path to reach your goals.”