EVERYONE’S FRIEND

Harvey and Bob are having a drink in a bar in New Jersey one day when Harvey starts to brag that he knows everyone, and everyone knows him. There isn’t a person he hasn’t met, he claims.

Bob doesn’t believe him. “Harvey, you can’t know everyone,” he says. “I bet you don’t know the mayor of our city.”

“Of course I do,” Harvey says. He takes his cellphone out of his pocket and dials a number. After a moment he says into the phone, “Hi, this is Harvey. Could you please tell my friend Bob who you are?” With that he hands the phone to Bob. “Hi?” Bob says. “How’s my old friend Harvey treating you?” the voice at the other end says. Bob immediately recognises it as the mayor’s voice and, taken aback, chats to him for a few moments before handing the phone back to Harvey.

“Okay, you win that one,” Bob says. “But I bet you don’t know the president of America!”

Harvey smiles and drags his friend out to his car. “Get in,” he says. “We’re going to Washington.”

A few hours later they pull up to the gates of the White House. The security guys immediately recognise Harvey and let them through. Just then the president comes out the front door walking his dog. Harvey leans out the window and waves. To Bob’s chagrin the president walks over to the car and talks with Harvey for a good 15 minutes.

Bob figures Harvey probably only knows people in the US. So he says, “I bet you don’t know the pope.”

Harvey just grins and drives to the airport where he books tickets for them to fly to Rome.

The next day they’re at the Vatican. Harvey tells Bob that security is very tight and he might not be able to get him inside, so he would go in to visit the pope. Then he and the pope would wave at Bob from the balcony.

Bob agrees that he’d then have to admit that Harvey knows everyone.

A short while later Harvey walks out onto the balcony arm in arm with the pope.

The pope waves to the people below while Harvey inspects the crowd trying to find Bob. To his shock he sees his friend has collapsed and is lying unconscious on the ground. He quickly rushes down to see what’s happened.

“Bob, Bob!” Harvey exclaims as he shakes his friend. “Are you okay? What happened?”

Bob opens his eyes. “Yeah, I’m okay,” he says. “But that was quite a shock.”

“What? When you saw me up there with the Pope?”

“No, when the guy next to me in the crowd said, ‘Hey, who’s that guy up there with Harvey?’ ”