KEEP CALM & PARTY ON!

Planning on having yourself a merry little Christmas? Here are tips for coping with some of your more trying guests THE NAUGHTY CHILDREN

BY JACO HOUGH–COETZEE

ACOMING together of loved ones who haven’t seen one another in ages, piles of presents, mountains of delicious food, bottles of ice-cold bubbly waiting to be cracked open . . . It all sounds so good on paper. But alongside the hugs, toasts and mince pies comes a barrage of friction and recipes for disaster.

Guests who don’t respect your privacy, people who don’t lift a finger to help and relatives who fail to contribute a cent to the witheringly expensive food bill can kill your Christmas cheer more quickly than a Boney M carol in the middle of a shopping mall.

But conflict in families is often as much a part of Christmas as a roast with all the trimmings – which is why we asked experts for help on how to handle the mayhem without wanting to commit murder.

The trick is to accept that it will happen, says Christo van der Westhuizen, a psychologist from Randburg, Gauteng, who specialises in relationships. “That way the disappointment won’t be so great.”

And that’s not being negative, he adds. It’s just being realistic.

Elma Bartlett, a social worker and life coach from Johannesburg, says that come January her practice is generally flooded with unhappy people who’ve had family problems over the festive period.

“Christmas time with the family can cause a great deal of stress,” she says.

But it doesn’t have to be all bad. With the right measures, precautions and ground rules it can be a positive and joyous time, the two experts say.

Here are a few characters who often pop up at people’s homes during the silly season – and sensible advice on how to handle the situation without going crackers. That sinking feeling when your pristine white sofa turns muddy as your bellowing nephews jump up and down on it. That murderous moment when your niece throws a tantrum because you ask her to turn off the cartoons so you can sit down to watch your favourite soapie. What to do? Not all children are raised with the same rules and what’s taboo in your eyes might not be in the eyes of your guests, psychologist Christo van der Westhuizen explains.

Don’t directly discipline someone else’s children, he warns. “Do it through their parents without insulting the child. Explain to the parents what your house rules are when it comes to kids and what they may or may not do. The onus is then on the parents to see their children stick to these rules.”

If they don’t, take the parents aside and point out – as politely as possible – that their kids’ behaviour is hoovering up your ho-ho-ho.

And what happens if your children and your guests’ offspring have a falling out? “Try not to play judge and choose one side over the other,” Van der Westhuizen says.

“Explain to them in a calm but firm way that you’re celebrating Christmas and their bickering is ruining the atmosphere. Tell them to sort it out outside and come back only when they’ve come to an agreement.”