Jenna Clifford’s pain after break-up
Jewellery designer Jenna Clifford tells of her shock when her partner of 28 years walked out on her
THEY were the golden celeb couple, at ease rubbing shoulders with the glitterati and greeting presidents and film stars like old friends. Together they built South Africa’s best-known jewellery brand, which has become sought after around the world.
For 28 years Jenna Clifford (59) and Dex Kotze (57) were a dynamic duo in both business and love. But last year he dropped a bombshell: he wanted out of the relationship. It wasn’t because there was another woman in the picture. The reason, he explained, was that he simply was no longer in love with her.
Jenna takes a puff of her Camel cigarette as she speaks exclusively to YOU. It’s the first interview she’s given in years.
“The first 14 years of our relationship were wonderful. I felt so lucky,” she says with a nostalgic smile.
There were no major rows or dramatic showdowns at the end. It happened grad- ually without ceremony. “He just doesn’t love me. I still love him fiercely but it’s not enough,” she says, shrugging.
They’ve been apart for eight months. Dex has gone off to a game farm somewhere “to rescue South Africa’s wildlife” while she’s stayed on at their farm in White River, Mpumalanga. They built the luxurious farmhouse to suit their personal tastes and it used to be their sanctuary.
“I’ve only been back [at work] for nine days,” Jenna says. “I took an 11-month sabbatical where I wasn’t involved in operations. I only designed but that doesn’t feel like work to me.”
The break was good for her soul, she says. Not only did it reinvigorate her designs, it also helped her adjust to life without Dex. The months on the farm allowed her time to mourn the loss of her relationship and now she’s done with crying, she tells us confidently.
JENNA meets us at her company head office in Morningside, Johannesburg. It looks like the home of a fashion designer or film star, complete with art works, antique furniture and photos of celebs on the walls. We’re chatting in the lush garden she designed. Plant cuttings are being prepared in tubs, there are bonsai trees of all shapes and sizes and lazy giant koi swim in a pond. It’s an oasis in the middle of the urban jungle.
“I’m a Virgo and I have to be close to nature. It calms my soul and balances me,” she tells us.
Jenna is chic in a black dress, a slit showing off her long legs. “You must tell me if I’m showing too much flesh. I’m 60, you know,” she jokes. Isn’t she 59? “I’m rounding off the number. I’m almost 60,” she says with a dismissive wave of a manicured hand.
Her hair is darker and going grey in parts. “I’m not using botox. I want to grow old graciously and I’m not shy about my age.”
There’s nothing pretentious about Jenna and when it comes to expressing herself she doesn’t hold back. She talks fast, revealing in a flood of words that Dex remains the love of her life. But she’s accepted that if he doesn’t want to continue with their relationship there’s nothing she can do.
“I tried to get professional help. I went for all my sessions but he refused. I believe just as I’m a professional in jewellery there are professionals suited to help you heal a relationship. Why wouldn’t you want to get help?”
Jenna and Dex weren’t married – after two failed marriages she was reluctant to go down that road again.
“We were married in the eyes of God, a more serious commitment,” she says. Jenna has two daughters with Dex, and another from a previous marriage.
“I think women suffer from the Cinderella complex. We want a man to save us. I lost my mind and I fell in love.”
They were soulmates but somewhere along the line something shifted and Dex’s heart was no longer in the relationship. It became clear they were focusing on different things.
Jenna is passionate about helping women and children. In 2014 she was appointed ambassador and torchbearer for the United Nations’ Millennium Development Goal 3, a campaign aimed at empowering women.
“I’ve always been busy helping women to conquer the world,” she says. She talks about the political implications for South African women, shortcomings in education and how women simply don’t believe they’re capable of doing the same or more than men.
Dex’s passion is wildlife, she says. “He wants to save the rhinos but there isn’t much habitat left for these animals. He has a good heart but the business wasn’t central,” she says.
He’s the executive director of the company and owns a 50% stake. She owns the other half. They founded Jenna Clifford Designs in 1992, growing it into an iconic brand worn by global celebrities such as Canadian singer Céline Dion and US tennis legends Venus and Serena Williams.
She says it might have been the power dynamic between them that changed Dex. “I don’t know whether he feels caught in my shadow. I think it might be that too. Men don’t want that but I thought he was different,” she says, falling silent for a moment for the first time.
She’s still in the dark about the business implications of their separation. “I know as much as you. I haven’t heard anything.” For a long time there were signs their relationship was in trouble. “He never kissed or hugged me anymore. As simple as that, and that’s what I need,” she says, tapping ash into an ashtray. Could she imagine finding love again with someone else? “I still love him so there’s no room,” she says. The death of her relationship isn’t the only challenge she’s dealing with. She’s also looking after her dad, who was a builder, and helping her mom financially. “My 84-year-old father is dying. He’s wearing nappies again. My mom, who’s also in her eighties, was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s in her sixties. She’s coming to stay with me because I just can’t afford the R34 000 a month [ for a care facility]. It’s bleeding me dry.” But as bad as things are she hasn’t allowed herself to wallow in self-pity. True to her word, there are no tears from her during our interview. She’s trying to stay strong for her daughters – the break-up has hit them hard. Jenna says she hopes she can also serve as an inspiration to other women. “I want to tell them when something like this happens, let it shape and strengthen you. Don’t let the darkness conquer you. Hold on to beauty and goodness.” Despite everything she says she’s happy again. Pottering in her garden, taking care of her animals on the farm, designing jewellery, running the business, getting her youngest child through school and making a difference in the lives of others – there’s so much to do. Where does she find the time for it all? “The secret is three hours, max four hours of sleep a night, my darling.” Right now she’s taking each day as it comes. “I’m going to keep living my life like I always did. I’m going to trust – like I’ve always done – that everything will work out as it should,” she says. Dex may be gone but life goes on. “I’ll surround myself with positive things and believe in passion, beauty, love and honesty,” she says. “When negative energy comes my way I’ll banish it with light.” Dex declined to comment on his split from Jenna.