LAUGH A LITTLE
Fancy yourself a joker? Email original jokes to chuckles@you.co.za or send them to Chuckles, YOU, PO Box 7167, Roggebaai 8012, and we may publish them on this page.
THE GREAT VOID
A biology teacher is teaching her class about how blood flows in the human body. After her lesson she asks the class, “So, who can tell me, why is it that if I were to turn upside down my face would turn red since the blood would flow to my head, but when I stand upright my feet don’t turn red?” Little Johnny puts up his hand. “It’s simple, Miss,” he says. “It’s because your feet aren’t empty.”
WHERE THERE’S FIRE . . .
It’s two months since her dear Herbie had passed and Suzie just can’t seem to move on.
“Listen, Suzie,” her good friend Barbara tells her, “maybe you should go to see a psychic. One of my friends did it after her husband died and it made her feel so much better knowing her dearest was happy.”
So the next Tuesday Suzie finds herself in a dim room where a psychic is seated with a crystal ball on the table in front of her. “Is he here?” Suzie asks. “Yes, I sense him,” the psychic replies. “Can you ask him if he’s happy?” Suzie asks. “He’s putting his hand to his mouth like he wants to smoke,” the psychic says.
“Oh, of course” Suzie says, “he needs his cigar. Herbie could never go for more than a few hours without a cigar. I guess they don’t have cigars up there. Did he say where he is or how I could get one to him?”
“Hmm,” the psychic says. “I can’t seem to get that question across to him. But then again,” she adds after a brief pause, “he didn’t say anything about needing a lighter.”
WRITE THEN
A man walks into a school and goes up to the school secretary.
“Excuse me,” he says, “I’d like to enrol because I want to learn to read and write.”
“Okay,” the secretary responds in a bored voice. “Just fill in these forms.”
THE TASTE OF MEDICINE
My ageing aunt was always coming up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, “You’re next!” Eventually I figured out how to stop her doing this. I started doing the same thing to her at funerals.
NO GOOD DEED . . .
A man dies and arrives at the Pearly Gates.
“Before your judgment,” St Peter tells him, “I should tell you we’ve looked over your life, and to be honest you really didn’t do anything particularly good or bad. We’re not really sure what to do with you. Can you tell us anything you did that can help us make a decision?” The newly arrived soul thinks for a moment. “Well,” he says, “once I was driving along when I saw a person being harassed by a group of thugs. So I pulled over, got out my baseball bat and went up to the leader of the thugs. He was a big, muscular guy with a ring pierced through his lip.
“Well, I tore the ring out of his lip and told him he and his gang had better stop bothering the guy or they’d have to deal with me!”
“Wow, that’s impressive,” St Peter says. “And when did this happen?”
“About three minutes ago.”
THE WHEELS COME OFF
Four students decide to bunk their morning lecture and go to the beach. When they arrive at class in the afternoon they tell the lecturer they’re late because their car got a flat tyre.
“That’s fine,” the lecturer says, much to the students’ relief. “But there was a test this morning which you guys will have to write now. So please have a seat and take out a piece of paper.
“Now,” he continues, “here’s the first question. Which tyre was flat?”