Ask Dr Louise

About 10 years ago I divorced my husband because our marriage was under serious strain due to him being unemployed. We struggled financially and I had to keep the pot on the boil. I also had to support him emotionally as he was suffering from depression due to having been retrenched.

This went on for two years and he got into a comfort zone where he no longer looked for employment and just lazed around the house. That’s when I decided to divorce him.

But it seems something happened then – he got himself out of that rut and today he’s a successful, wealthy businessman. He married again two years ago and he and his wife go on extravagant holidays and live a very good life. I know this as I’m still in contact with his mom.

We didn’t have children. I’m still single and have to look after myself and there are still months when money is tight. I feel as if I’ve been cheated as I can’t reap the benefits of having supported my ex-husband when he needed it most. I’ve been left with the short end of the stick. Babs, email

The irony is that when you left your ex-husband it forced him to become productive again. When he did that he was once again able to feel proud of himself – and his natural ability to achieve resurfaced. Retrenchment can be extremely traumatic and it often results in a dramatic decrease in self-image and self-confidence, and also often leads to depression.

Life can be cruel but getting caught up in how unfair it is won’t get you anywhere. It’s how you handle it that counts. Don’t try to keep up with what your ex-husband and his second wife are doing – it will only leave a bitter taste in your mouth.

Try to change your perspective and see him as someone who no longer has anything to do with you. Distancing yourself from him may allow you to simply be glad for his sake that he’s doing better. Your life, although financially difficult, may have other rewards that he doesn’t have in his life. Focus on your own blessings and enjoy them.