LAUGH A LITTLE

Fancy yourself a joker? Email original jokes to chuckles@you.co.za or send them to Chuckles, YOU, PO Box 7167, Roggebaai 8012, and we may publish them on this page.

THE TAXI DRIVER

At an airport a guy gets into a taxi, gives the driver the address he needs to go to and, as the driver sets off, starts to reply to messages on his phone.

After driving in silence for about 20 minutes the guy has a question for the driver. “Excuse me, sir,” he says and taps the driver on the shoulder.

The next second the driver screams loudly and swerves across three lanes of traffic, nearly causing an accident. They finally come to a standstill on the opposite side of the road.

“What the heck was that all about?” the guy demands, thoroughly shaken.

“I’m sorry,” the driver says, wiping his brow. “It’s my first day driving a taxi. I’ve been driving a hearse for the past 30 years!”

OFF THE HOOK

Little Johnny: “Can I be punished for something I didn’t do?” Teacher: “Of course not.” Little Johnny: “Good, because I haven’t done my homework.”

POINT TAKEN

Little Johnny has once again not done his homework and his teacher Mrs Green decides to send a note to his father, explaining that Johnny needs to change his attitude towards his schoolwork.

The next day she gets a note from Johnny’s father. “Dear Mrs Green,” it reads, “Johnny is sorry he didn’t do his homework last night. “He’ll never do it again.”

NOT FAIR

My girlfriend is always wearing my T-shirts and sweatshirts. But if I take one of her dresses, suddenly “we need to talk”.

WHEN GOOD BOOKS GO BAD . . .

I own the world’s worst thesaurus. Not only is it awful, it’s awful.

THE RIGHT ATTRIBUTES

My dream woman has a special combination of inner and outer beauty. Most importantly, she’s too naive to know she’s out of my league.