HAVING TWO WIVES IS CATCHING UP WITH ME

Q

Eight years ago I fell in love with a woman. After two years of dating I asked her to marry me. She’s very special and someone I can have lots of fun with, but she’s a little scatterbrained. We had a child and she stopped working to look after our son, who’s now 4½.

I travel a lot for work and six years ago I met another woman in a different city and we dated for a year (she thought I was single). Then one night I lost my mind and asked her to marry me. She’s a professional and intellectually we’re a better match. We got married five years ago, set up a home and now have a little girl of 2½.

Although I earn a good living, I have to scramble to spend at least a week or two at home with each family. Luckily my company does work in both cities. But this charade is now catching up with me, emotionally and financially. My professional wife wants to stop working as she wants to be with our daughter. I can’t afford two households on my salary. I feel as if I’m being squeezed from both sides. What do I do? I love both families and wives equally. Anonymous, email

A

Bigamy is accepted by some cultures in South Africa, but frowned on by others. So depending on which culture or religion your wives belong to, they may accept the principle.

But you’ve been playing with fire because you’ve gone behind their backs. How they feel about you having another wife from a cultural perspective is a different matter from you being deceitful. I realise you’re afraid of losing your families but the only way forward is with honesty. Being solely financially responsible for two families is a heavy burden, especially as the cost of living just keeps rising.

To ease the emotional and financial strain for yourself you’ll have to be honest with your wives and the three of you will have to come up with a solution together. It’s best to come clean soon.