STUCK IN THE MIDDLE

Tension between your partner and your mom can put strain on your relationship with both of them. Here are a few tips to deal with it.

You can’t fix something you’re ignoring People in this situation may try to brush it off or not draw attention to it in the hope things will blow over, says clinical psychologist Ingrid Nagaya. But this could simply exacerbate the situation. “Your mother will feel more entitled to having an opinion about your partner and your partner will feel you don’t value them as much as you do your mother,” she says. “Either way, you’ll find yourself caught between two people you love and you may end up feeling pressured into picking one over the other.”

Make your priorities clear This is especially important if you’re married or have started a family of your own, says relationship coach Paula Quinsee. Take ownership of it. “Make it clear to your mother that your ‘new’ family comes first at this stage of your life. This doesn’t mean you don’t care about her anymore, just that she now plays a different role in your life to the one she did before.”

Try not to take sides “It’s important for both your partner and your mom to understand you won’t be forced to choose one over the other,” Nagaya says. “Your mother needs to understand no one could ever replace her, but that also doesn’t mean she’s allowed to interfere in your relationship or choose your partner. As for your partner, encourage them to get to know your mother before reacting to everything she says.”