IS HE TRYING TO TELL ME SOMETHING?

Q I’m in my late fifties and have been good friends with a man for more than 20 years. He’s an honourable man and he’s married and I know he loves his wife. When my husband cheated on me and abused me he was the one who told me to leave him and not look back. And I did just that.

I’m also friends with his wife, but we’re not close friends. I think she knows her husband has more serious feelings for me than just friendship.

Although he and I have both handled ourselves with decorum, I’ve noticed his messages to me, as well as our chats, have become more intimate when his wife isn’t with him.

For example, he started calling me “darling” and tells me “they” (his wife and him) love me, although I know she’d never say something like that. It’s almost as if he’s giving me subliminal messages and waiting for me to react to them. What should I do? Ann, email A This is a difficult situation because your heart is telling you to react while your mind is warning you this might not be a good idea and you might regret it. There’s also the possibility his subconscious mind does want to take the relationship further and he’s doing these things subconsciously and isn’t even aware of the effect it’s having on you.

Be the strong one and keep the relationship on the even keel it is at the moment. If you become his mistress it will change your relationship with him forever, even if it’s wonderful for a short time. If he’s an honourable man, as you say, he’ll most likely feel guilty afterwards and may feel compelled to end the relationship.

Once you become lovers there’s no way to go back to the way things where. Your friendship would’ve changed forever, and you might regret that. You’ll also be creating a lot of heartache and regret of your own that you’ll have to carry with you for the rest of your life. Rather let the temptation pass.