SHE’S DESTROYING OUR HOME
My three-year-old granddaughter, whose twin was stillborn, underwent openheart surgery at three months to repair holes in her heart. She started talking only at age two.
The problem is she’s very destructive. She’s ripped the wallpaper from the walls in her eight-year-old brother’s room, she’s torn his books to shreds and pulled the limbs and heads from his action figures. She sometimes hits him with a bat and if he’s playing with a toy she screams blue murder until he gives it to her. Their parents make him do so for the sake of peace and quiet.
She walks with her sippy cup and spits tea all over the floor. When she’s in the garden she plays in the flowerbeds and throws soil everywhere. If you reprimand her, she’ll run to you and hit you and she’s even bitten her mother.
We took her for a check-up and the doctor says she’s fine. She’s a beautiful child with big blue eyes, golden hair and an angelic face – until she starts with her naughtiness and then she has an almost vindictive expression and you can see she knows what she’s doing.
Her parents aren’t on medical aid and can’t afford to have her assessed by a professional. We just want to know why she’s so destructive. She attends a playschool so she does get stimulation and has playmates. Concerned granny, email
It seems to me she’s destructive because she’s allowed to be that way. I suspect her parents feel sorry for her because of her tough start in life and find it difficult to discipline her. But allowing a child to scream at the top of her lungs and then give in to her for the sake of peace and quiet simply enforces the bad behaviour – it does absolutely nothing to change it. She’s learnt that if she screams enough she’ll get her way.
Her parents need to consult with an educational psychologist as a matter of urgency. She needs to be assessed to see if she has attention deficit hyperactivity disorder, and if so to get medication that will help her. Her parents also need to learn how to discipline her effectively and deal with her in a way that encourages good behaviour and punishes bad behaviour.
What her parents are teaching her at present is that no rules apply to her and if that continues they’ll find themselves with a child who brings them ever more stress and heartache. She may even develop an antisocial personality disorder later in life.
‘Friends show their love in times of trouble, not in happiness’
– GREEK POET EURIPIDES