IF IT WASN’T FOR OUR GRANDKIDS I’D LEAVE

There’s a stereotype about sex in marriage where the man begs for it and the wife fakes a headache – or other ailment – to avoid it. Sadly, in my experience, this is true. I think the reason my wife wants a husband is simply because it’s “the thing to do”. She’s lost all sexual interest in me.

I’ve considered having an affair but it’s not my style. I’m quite despondent, maybe even depressed. If it wasn’t for our grandchildren, I’d have left her already. It’s a second marriage for both of us.

My eldest child is married and my youngest lives in a different city. Her eldest daughter has a child of 18 and they both live with us. She and the boy are very close and I can’t imagine life without him. Brian, email It’s sad that your wife seems to have forgotten her primary role is that of your wife and is instead putting her energy into the children and grandchildren.

If you can’t imagine leaving her, try staying with her but being honest about how you feel. Suggest to her that you come to an agreement about how to handle it. If she’s no longer interested in sex or even in cuddling with you, you could suggest that you remain married while you seek love and affection elsewhere.

Tell her you won’t do anything behind her back, but that you need physical affection and that you would like, with her permission, to try to find someone to have this with. This suggestion is likely to shock her, but hopefully it will also make her realise that your needs are important and that you’re not willing to simply push them aside.

If she’s not happy with this, the alternative is that she consults with a professional to find a way to fix the sexual side of your relationship.

She either has to work on what’s wrong, or allow you some leeway.

Perhaps you should also have more faith in your relationship with your grandson. He won’t necessarily reject you just because you leave his grandmother.