I’VE FALLEN IN LOVE WITH MY MISTRESS

My wife is a bit prudent when it comes to sex and although I love her I thought it was a good idea to start a relationship with another woman. My mistress is an absolute tigress in bed. The problem is she’s now pressuring me to leave my wife and I realise I love her too.

I don’t know how to decide to have only one of them in my life as I love both, in different ways. One is the mother of my children and I love her to bits as she’s always been nurturing and caring towards me. The other satisfies my sexual needs and makes me feel good as a man.

My wife found out about the affair – my mistress phoned her and told her about it to force me into choosing. My wife insists I give up my mistress and has given me six months to decide. What do I do? I’m very confused. Zander, email You’ve allowed yourself to get into a very difficult emotional situation. Many people don’t think it can happen, but it is possible to love two people at the same time. The reason is that different people answer different needs in us, which you illustrate very well in your letter.

But it’s also a fact that the parties concerned are unlikely to want to share you with anyone else.

Take time out and consider consulting with a psychologist who can help you to work through your feelings and make an informed decision.

It’s not just about giving up one woman for the other – it’s also about giving up the lifestyle you had while seeing your mistress.

If you choose your wife, you’ll have to be faithful to her. If you choose your mistress, you’ll have to give up a lot of your financial security, you’ll see less of your children and you’ll have to start building a new life with your mistress.

You also need to keep in mind that having a mistress and living with her full time are very different scenarios – and you might not enjoy the latter one quite so much.