Ask Dr Louise

My wife and I got married after five years of dating and she’s been cheating since the start of our relationship. Every time she’d confess and then apologise, and I got so tired of it I wanted to dump her. I decided not to because I was encouraged by some of my friends to marry her – I was convinced by their argument that she would then be faithful to me, but unfortunately she’s still cheating.

Now I want to divorce her but some of my friends are saying we should have a baby as they think she’ll then stop cheating because she’ll be busy taking care of the child.

Should I divorce her or should I follow my friends’ advice? Calvin, email Unfortunately, some people are like leopards – they never change their spots. There are people who cheat only once then realise what heartache and unhappiness it brings and they never cheat again. But there are also those who are habitual cheaters and, while many think it’s a male thing, women can be habitual cheaters too.

Your wife seems to be a habitual cheater and since not even being married stopped her from cheating it’s unlikely that having a child will make any difference. She might stop for a little while – during pregnancy and when the baby is small and needs constant care – but chances are high she’ll resume the same conditioned behaviour again at some point. Then you’ll have an even bigger problem on your hands as you’ll be leaving not only her but your child too.

If she’s cheated on you so often it’s clear she can’t be faithful so you should divorce her now if you know you can’t live with this. If you choose to stay married to her, you need to make peace with the high probability of being cheated on again, in full awareness of the great unhappiness this will bring to your life.