35-55 YEARS OLD

TRIGGERS “There’s real mental and physical load at this age,” British counsellor Louise Tyler says. Financial concerns, ageing and a sense of mortality are all factors, along with what Tyler calls “an existential search for purpose. People start to become aware that life doesn’t go on forever.”

There are questions such as, “Have I put enough money aside? How will I face retirement?” And all the while there’s “a need to feel constantly productive and efficient”, she says. Commonly known as the sandwich generation, those in this age group may be caring for both teenage children and ageing parents. Relationship breakdown, divorce and loneliness can be further triggers, along with the emergence of health issues.

For some, anxiety might be triggered by grief at not having had children, UK clinical psychologist Alex Fowke says. The perimenopause and menopause both cause stress, and it’s now thought there’s a similar life change for men called the andropause, linked to a gradual drop in testosterone. Men might develop depression, loss of sex drive and other symptoms.

HOW TO REBOOT Tyler says women in the sandwich generation tend to “take on more of the emotional laundry” and arrive at her door burnt out. She encourages them to give themselves permission to switch off and suggests having regular “stop points” – ideally three times a day.

What you do in this time doesn’t mat- ter; it’s the stopping that counts. Meditate, read, put on music. Stop seeing downtime as selfish, she says. Exercise also helps by burning off adrenaline.

“Reach out to others,” says Jonathan Rauch, author of The Happiness Curve: Why Life Gets Better after 50. “Not doing that is the mistake I made. Social isolation makes it worse.

“Stay focused in the present. Midlife is a time trap. You’re disappointed about your life in the past and pessimistic about it in the future.” But this is really just the start of a period of shifting values, he says.