55-70 YEARS OLD

TRIGGERS “Death, to be blunt,” says psychotherapist and chair of the UK Council for Psychotherapy Martin Pollecoff (69). Friendship groups might be decimated by ill health and death. As at any time of transition, the strain on relationships is immense.

“It’s quite common that one partner is much better at amusing themselves,” says Celia Dodd, author of How to Thrive in Retirement. If one partner is retired and one isn’t, the one who isn’t is likely to say, “What have you been doing all day?” This can exacerbate the sense of purposelessness. There might also be conflict with grown-up children and distance from grandchildren.

For those who’ve associated stress with a busy working life, it can be hard to recognise listlessness as a sign of anxiety, while those who are new to retirement might be running on adrenaline, with nowhere to spend it.

For some there’s “a kind of competitive retirement” in which there’s a new pressure to have a great time. Regrets can loom large. And underlying all this is deep uncertainty about what lies ahead.

HOW TO REBOOTTRIGGERS “Accept the things you’ve done, and the things you’ll never be able to do,” Pollecoff says.

Author Jonathan Rauch (58) has found this phase “a great period for relaunch. Our values change. We put less emphasis on ambition and more on relationships, which is very rewarding.”

Finding new routines helps. “Work fills up this big space in our life, and it’s a question of finding new things that have value,” Dodd says.

For those who find it hard to get out of the house, she suggests making small changes. Listen to a different radio station. Go to a café for breakfast. Walk a different route to a familiar destination. “Keep stretching and be prepared to be a bit uncomfortable sometimes.”

Volunteering is one way to do this, although it could also be planning a holiday, with a secondary goal of learning a language, or a physical challenge such as running 5km. Try your hand at something new. And remember, “It’s okay to be crap at things,” Pollecoff says. “One of the great things about old age is you can fail and it’s not going to destroy you.”

‘Put less emphasis on ambition and more on relationships’