HE WANTS ME TO TAKE THE LEAD

I’ve been living with my partner for several years. We stay in my house with my son, who’s 24. My partner has an issue with my son, telling me I spoil him and complaining that he doesn’t do any chores.

It’s true that I don’t expect him to do chores as he’s doing an apprenticeship and I want him to focus on his studies.

Now it seems my partner has lost interest in me as he never wants to be intimate and when I talk to him about it he just says I should let him know when I’m ready for intimacy. Surely if he loves me he wouldn’t wait for me to take the initiative?

I get very jealous when we go to dinner at a restaurant and I see him admiring all the attractive women. He tells me he’s only looking but that doesn’t make me feel better.

How can I make him more interested in me? Martha, email

Your partner is probably angry with you because he thinks you’re spoiling your son and leaving all the chores for the two of you to do – and anger inhibits sexual libido.

Your son might be doing an apprenticeship but he’s still part of the household and therefore should do his share of the work. I’m sure you and your partner both have jobs, yet you’re still doing the things that need to be done around the house.

Create a roster that sets out chores your son should do every week. Give him the responsibility of living like an adult and not like a pampered child. If you keep spoiling him he’s bound to end up frustrating his partner one day. He must understand that he needs to contribute to the work involved in the upkeep of a household.

Being jealous also doesn’t help the situation. It’s normal for a man to look at attractive women – it doesn’t mean he wants to have an affair with them. Relax and put your energy into letting him know that you love him. Fighting with him won’t make him more interested in you. He might want you to take the initiative because he feels taken for granted and needs to feel wanted.