THEY’VE LIED TO ME ALL THESE YEARS!

I have this urge to be outrageous – to throw away my moral values and simply live for today. I want to sleep with as many guys as come my way and experiment with drugs and do what I want and enjoy life.

I grew up in a very conservative home where I was taught that marriage is the ultimate goal and I should keep myself “unspoilt” before marriage. Alcohol was a no-no. Drugs were a no-no. But now I’ve discovered my parents are doing exactly the opposite of what they taught me to do.

They had to get married because my mother was pregnant with me! And my father is having an affair with his secretary. My mother is secretly drinking. It seems as if all the values I’ve been taught were lies.

I’m in Grade 12 and have never even had sex with a guy. I want to start living. Antoinette, email

It’s unfortunate that your parents weren’t more honest with you. Parents sometimes think children should do as they say and not as they do, but teaching by example is more effective. They could have explained to you that the values they taught you are the ones they aspire to but that human beings make mistakes.

You’re old enough now to make up your own mind about which moral values you want to follow. You should know by now that taking drugs is dangerous and that you can easily get hooked – so your parents were giving you good advice with regard to this. The same applies to alcohol, so you do need to be careful. Sex is also a tricky one, as sexual promiscuity comes with risks.

You need to see your urge to be outrageous for what it is – a way to rebel or take revenge because you’re angry with your parents. But such destructive behaviour will only hurt you more eventually.

Take charge of your life not by engaging in rebellious behaviour but by realising you are your own person and regardless of what your parents taught you or what they’re doing, you are now responsible for making decisions regarding your own life.