Ask Dr Louise

I’m in my early fifties and recently met a charming man. We talked so much that it felt as if the night just flew by. He’s divorced, like me, but is living with someone.

After our first meeting he contacted me and said he felt drawn towards me and asked me on a date. We’ve been out on dates a few times now but he’s still living with this woman and we haven’t spoken about it yet.

Do I broach the subject, or should I wait for him to talk about it? I don’t want to give him the impression that I want us to move in together and therefore want this woman out of his life, as we’ve only known each other for a short while.

I really think I could fall for this guy and I don’t want my heart broken. I don’t get the feeling that he’s just playing with me but I might be mistaken. What do I do? Jeanette, email

The fact that he told you he’s living with someone and yet asked you out on a date implies that his relationship with the woman is not a subject that’s “off the table”.

Touch lightly on the subject the next time you’re out on a date by saying that you don’t want to mess up things between him and his live-in partner and see how he responds.

You should also rein in your relationship until you get to know him better. You need to be aware that you’re taking a risk with him as he might not want to change the status quo at home.

Give it a few months and if you feel you want to take the relationship forward tell him you’re uncomfortable about doing so while he’s living with someone else. Make it clear to him that you won’t be a bit of fun on the side as that’ll only lead to heartache for you. He’ll then have to make up his mind about what he wants to do.

It’s possible that he’s not playing with your feelings and really just enjoys your company. Sometimes more mature people find it difficult to make a paradigm shift and change their lives completely.

But if things get serious, he’ll need to take decisive action.