Ask Dr Louise

Yesterday my wife told me she’s not going back to work, regardless of the fact that we have three children and that my salary has dropped by 50%. She refuses to even discuss why she won’t go back except to say that she feels she’s done her part and it’s now up to me.

We’re in our mid-forties and still have to put the children through university so it’s beyond me how she can feel she’s done her bit.

What can I do about this as it’s causing me to feel extremely stressed and also a lot of anger towards her? Basil, email

It’s possible that during lockdown your wife had the chance to savour the enjoyment of being at home and not being compelled to go to a job and do work she may not always enjoy. The problem is that, like with many families, you have financial commitments that are based on a two-income household.

If your wife continues to stay at home there’s a risk she may lose her employment altogether, and with so many people unemployed now it’s likely to be difficult to find work again.

Your wife needs to be aware of this and be realistic about the future.

You’ll need to have a serious discussion with her about this and tell her she has a responsibility towards the children and for that reason needs to return to work.

Ask her what she needs to make it easier for her to go back to work. You should also try to find out if there’s some other reason for her reluctance to return to work, such as a difficult relationship with a colleague or her boss. If so, it needs to be addressed.

It’s also possible she’s feeling depressed and because of this wants to hide away, in which case it would be prudent to see a doctor about prescribing an antidepressant.

‘True life is lived when tiny changes occur’ – RUSSIAN WRITER LEO TOLSTOY