LAUGH A LITTLE
Fancy yourself a joker? Email original jokes to chuckles@you.co.za or send them to Chuckles, YOU, PO Box 7167, Roggebaai 8012, and we may publish them on this page.
EXAM TIME
Some interesting answers and statements in school exam papers:
What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty? He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.
Name a major disease associated with cigarettes. Premature death.
What does the word “benign” mean? Benign is what you’ll be after you be eight.
How many wives did Solomon have in the Bible? He had 300 wives and 700 porcupines.
CONSISTENCY IS KEY
Grandpa John is celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody compliments him on how athletic and well preserved he appears.
“Friends, I’ll tell you the secret of my success,” he says with a laugh. “I’ve been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now.”
The guests are impressed and ask how he managed to stick to his rigorous fitness routine.
“Well, you see, my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night we agreed that whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong would go outside and take a walk.”
CAREER CHANGE
A plumber attends to a leaking tap at a neurosurgeon’s house. After fixing the problem in two minutes, the plumber demands R2 000.
Shocked, the neurosurgeon exclaims, “I don’t charge that much even though I’m a surgeon!”
The plumber responds, “I didn’t either when I was a surgeon. That’s why I became a plumber.”
KNOCK . . . S
Knock knock! Who’s there? Canoe. Canoe who? Canoe lend me some money?
Knock knock! Who’s there? Venice. Venice who? Venice your mother coming home?
FIRST PARENT
After creating Heaven and Earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was: “Don’t.” “Don’t what?” Adam replied. “Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” “Forbidden fruit? Really? Where is it?”
“It’s over there,” said God, wondering why He hadn’t stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the pair having an apple break and He became angry. “Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit?” the First Parent asked. “Uh-huh,” Adam replied. “Then why did you?” “I don’t know,” Adam answered. God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own.
QUICK ACCELERATION
A man buys his wife a car for Christmas.
“I don’t like it,” she says. “I want something that goes from zero to 140 in three seconds.”
So he comes back with the bathroom scale and says, “Here you go!”
PREPARING CHICKEN
I was in a restaurant last week and the waiter asked me for my order. “Can you tell me how you prepare the chickens?” I asked.
“Nothing fancy, sir,” replied the waiter. “We simply tell them they’re going to die.”
DAVID & GOLIATH
Why was Goliath so surprised when he was hit by the pebble David had flung at him? Because nothing like that had ever entered his mind before.
LITTLE JABU
“Hey Mom, can you give me R50?” asks little Jabu. “Certainly not!” she replies.
“If you do,” he says, “I’ll tell you what Dad said to the maid while you were at the hairdresser.”
She grabs her purse and gives him the money. “Well? What did he say?”
“He said, ‘Hey Maria, could you make sure I’ve got clean socks tomorrow?”
CLEAN RESTAURANT
Tom and Oscar, two cockroaches, are hanging out next to a dumpster enjoying a snack.
“Hey Oscar,” says Tom to his friend, “you know that restaurant down the road? I went there yesterday to pick up some scraps and I couldn’t believe how clean it was. I could practically see my reflection on the shiny waxed floor.”
“Tom, please,” shouts Oscar, spitting out his food, “not while I’m eating!”
FOR THE KIDS S
How do you get a mouse to smile? Say cheese.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where’s popcorn?
What did the egg say to the frying pan? You crack me up.
What does an Eskimo keep his home together with? Iglue.
ARRANGED MARRIAGE
“I heard that in some countries a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries her,” a young boy says to his father. “Is it true, Dad?”
“That happens in most countries, son,” he answers.