I’M FINALLY BEING HONEST ABOUT MY SEXUALITY

I have eventually, at the age of 35, acknowledged to myself that I am gay, and now I face a dilemma. When I was younger I did what was dictated by the norms of society and so I got married and had a child.

I have never been happy in my marriage even though I am married to a wonderful woman. It is not her fault that I am unhappy and long for the embrace of and intimacy with a man.

But I don’t know what to do now. I feel that after seven years of being married and having a child together, I can’t simply tell my wife that I am gay and want out of the relationship. How do I deal with this? Basil, email

Although your wife may not have talked to you about it, I think there’s a good chance she knows deep down that you’re not happy. This also means that she can’t be completely happy in the marriage.

As difficult as it will be, you owe it to your wife to be honest with her. Tell her that you admire and love her as your wife but that you can’t give her the full love she deserves – namely, that of a spouse who is in love with her and wants her sexually.

If you find it difficult to figure out what to say or how to approach the conversation, consult with a psychologist to help you prepare for the discussion. The psychologist can help you work out how to tell your wife in the least painful manner possible.

There’s no research indicating that a divorce resulting from one of the parents being gay is any more stressful for children than a divorce involving heterosexual couples.

How much children are traumatised by divorce depends on how the parents handle the divorce and whether they use the kids to get back at each other.

A psychologist can also help you and your wife to tell your child about the divorce and explain the reason for it in a way that makes the transition as easy as possible.

Each woman has a different pace at which they become sexually aroused. It’s also worth noting that women usually take longer than men to reach the point where they’re sexually stimulated to the degree where they want to progress to full sexual intercourse.