Dealing with the effects of lockdown
Restrictions have eased but the mentality we developed over the past year is not so easy to shake. Experts answer your questions about the impact Covid-19 has had on our relationships and psychological wellbeing
AFTER a year in lockdown, we’re all feeling the emotional and psychological toll of being cooped up, confined and anxious. Even though there’s been an easing of restrictions recently, life as we knew it is definitely a thing of the past and there’s still plenty that fills us with dread and worry.
And on top of all that, we’re dealing with the impact lockdown has had on ourselves, our loved ones and our relationships with one another.
Here are some scenarios and questions that have come up because of lockdown. We asked experts to weigh in.
Q I’m a mom of two kids aged eight and 11. My husband and I are lucky in that we still have our jobs and can both work from home – so lockdown meant that until schools reopened all four of us were at home ALL the time. I love my family, but I’ve just had enough of them. I’ve become short-tempered and sometimes feel like my head is going to explode. What can I do to stop feeling like this?
A Lockdown created extremely challenging dynamics, according to clinical psychologist Sumayyah Khan. “Couples and families have been feeling the strain of being confined to their homes. When you have nowhere to go to vent or release tension, it’s not unusual for that to result in low tolerance and getting frustrated easily.”
Being in close quarters for extended periods of time, even with your nearest and dearest, can make you feel like your personal space has been invaded. The only solution is to take time out for yourself, relationship expert and life coach Paula Quinsee says. “It’s not selfish – it’s crucial for your wellbeing as well as that of everyone around you.
“Sit down as a family and discuss how you can coordinate your schedules to create some me-time for yourself, and make sure everyone understands that you’re not to be disturbed during this time,” she says. “Implement a self-care routine that includes things you enjoy, whether it’s being out in the garden or taking a bubble bath.”
“Your kids are at fairly independent ages,” Khan points out. “They should understand that you need some time to yourself. Explain that just as they have time to play, you also need time to have fun.”
Q After almost a year in lockdown I’m not sure how to handle being out and about again. I’ve become so used to being at home where I feel safe and in control. How do I start being social again? Is it better to stick to outdoor venues or to invite a few people home, where I can manage the situation to some extent? Should I ask everyone to keep their masks on when not eating or drinking?
A Even though restrictions have eased, it’s crucial to remember we’re still living in a pandemic, says Cape Town family practitioner Dr Nerosha Laher. Remember too that third wave is inevitable and viral mutations are a reality.
“Wearing masks, social distancing and sanitising should simply be our new norm for at least the rest of the year as we need to consistently work together to try to defeat this virus,” she says.
“In terms of socialising we must be responsible about venues and the number of people present and ensure that we only do so when symptom-free,” she advises. “Outdoor venues are always safer than closed spaces.”
Feeling overwhelmed and unsure about engaging with people socially is completely understandable, Khan says. “Many people are feeling the same way, and the best option is to ease yourself into being social again.
“Begin with close friends and family whom you trust are being as careful as you,” she says. “Have them over to your home and ask that they stick to distancing rules, keep their masks on when not eating or drinking and that they sanitise and wash their hands regularly.
“Then consider going out with those same trusted people for a picnic somewhere outdoors and spacious,” Khan adds. “Easing your way into every new situation is best. Take your time, do what feels comfortable and don’t be afraid to set boundaries for what you need in order to feel safe.”
At this point in the pandemic most of us could really use a hug, says Laher. A good old-fashioned bear hug – the kind that makes us feel like everything’s going to be okay. “Hugging is risky however, especially for high-risk individuals – those over the age of 60 and those with comorbidities – as you can spread the virus even if you’re asymptomatic,” she says.
“If you really want to hug, wear a mask, hug outdoors, keep it brief, don’t talk, cough, cry or wipe your nose while hugging, angle your face away from the person and avoid cheek-to-cheek contact,” she advises.
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Q I’ve been working from home and now my boss wants me to return to the office, but I’m not comfortable about going in and being around other people. I don’t know how vigilant my co-workers have been in terms Covid safety. Can I refuse to go to the office if I can do all my work at home?
A Employers must provide a safe working environment for employees, as required by the Occupational Health and Safety Act 85 of 1993, says specialist labour lawyer Craig Berkowitz.
“The onus is on the employer to ensure Covid-19 safety measures in the workplace are met before they can allow or require employees to return to work,” he says.
“Once all safety measures have been implemented, an employer is entitled to require an employee to return to work, and to issue an instruction to an employee to return to work.”
If an employee refuses to return to work when asked to do so, disciplinary action could be taken for being absent without permission and for not adhering to a lawful instruction, Berkowitz adds.
Failure or refusal to follow a reasonable instruction from management – without a justifiable reason – is considered misconduct, labour lawyer Ali Ncume says. “If an employee is simply ‘not comfortable about going in and being around people’, this might not be a justifiable reason for refusing their employer’s request,” he says.
“However, if the employee is capable of fulfilling all work requirements from home to the satisfaction of the employer, then it would be unreasonable to require the employee to attend work, because what’s important currently is minimising possible exposure to Covid-19,” Berkowitz adds.
Q My elderly parents are really struggling with the isolation after so many months of lockdown. We’ve seen them a few times and video-call often, but I can tell they’re lonely and want us to be there physically. What’s the safest way to spend time with them?
A It’s human nature to be social, but when it comes to the elderly – and especially those with comorbidities who are considered high risk in terms of Covid – socialising should be done with extreme caution, Laher says.
“It’s an act of love to be responsible towards your parents to ensure their optimum health and safety. If you do visit your parents, keep the contact time to a minimum, sit outside if possible, keep your mask on and maintain a 1,5m distance,” she advises. “And obviously you shouldn’t visit if you’re experiencing any Covid-19 symptoms.”
The elderly have suffered a lot under lockdown because they’re more vulnerable to Covid-19, so they’ve possibly felt particularly anxious and families have often not visited them in the interest of their safety.
“Video calls have been a great way to connect,” clinical psychologist Clint Maggott says.
“But at some point you need to make physical contact. To entirely remove risk, you’d have to not visit your parents at all, but that isn’t sustainable for most people and so you need to manage contact in the safest way. Make sure you wear a ‘fresh’ set of clothes – so it’s not likely to be contaminated – and go directly to them without stopping anywhere.
“Make sure you’re sanitising and wear a mask. Well-ventilated areas are probably better if the elderly person is able to go outdoors.”
Q My teenage daughter has become addicted to her phone during lockdown. When I ask her to get off it for a bit, she gets angry and says it’s the only way to be in touch with her friends. I understand that, but it seems like an excuse to be holed up in her bedroom on her phone all day every day. I’m tearing my hair out. How do I get her to understand it’s not good for her and that setting limits is important?
A Technology has made it possible to connect with others even when we’re in lockdown and that’s been really important, says Maggott. “So keep this in mind when speaking to your daughter about her phone use and make it clear to her that you understand that.
“She might also be on it so much of the time as a way of not dealing with a very difficult reality. Tell her you know how tough the past year has been, but that it’s important to have balance.”
“One of the things that being in lockdown has really brought to light is that too much time in the digital world has a negative impact on our mental health and wellbeing,” Quinsee says. “So it’s important to put boundaries in place and allow for digital-free time.
“Explain that limiting her time on her phone is necessary because she needs to show up in other areas of her life as well, in order to be well-balanced and healthy. Have a discussion about what this means so she’s involved in making choices about how she spends her time.”
Encourage her to change her behaviour by using incentives such as family movie nights at home and the chance to meet up with a couple of friends as long as they follow all the safety guidelines, Maggott says. “If that doesn’t work, change the WiFi password and switch the internet off for certain periods,” he adds.
You could also use a parental control app to monitor and manage her time on her phone. (For more info see YOU, 3 December.)