Ask Dr Louise

Q My husband and I have a 27-year-old son and a 24-year-old daughter who both still live with us. My hubby dotes on them and has spoilt them since childhood. I was always the disciplinarian, the one who tried to set boundaries.

Both our kids have degrees and well-paying jobs but they don’t contribute to the household, instead spending their salaries on their own interests and on going out with their friends.

When I talk to my husband about it he simply says it’s a pleasure for him to take care of them and that we’re fortunate to have them living in our home.

I don’t agree and think he’s created monsters who only think about themselves and their own enjoyment.

They never make an effort to do something nice for us, such as taking us out for dinner or treating us to a weekend away even though they can more than afford it. What do you think? Am I being unreasonable? Margaret, email

A Your husband has indeed created monsters because what they’ve learnt from him since childhood is that everything is about them and that their needs must be met first. This creates adults who are egocentric and focused on the gratification of their own needs.

Your son and daughter should pay rent if they want to stay in your home.

They need to pay their own way now that they’re adults and should contribute to the household so it’s not all up to you and your husband – even if you’re able to afford it.

Paying rent and contributing to the household expenses will teach them to budget and give them an idea of the cost of living. That’s what being independent is all about.

Allowing them to simply drift through life and spend their income solely on their own gratification won’t prepare them to be independent adults.

Parents who spoil their children simply make life more difficult for them in the future.