I’M DISGUSTED WITH MYSELF

Q After getting divorced three years ago I became promiscuous and slept with men just because I wanted to be told I’m beautiful and that they don’t understand why my ex-husband cheated on me.

I drank too much and life was one long round of parties and clubs over weekends. But after Covid-19 and lockdown came along, I realised how lonely I am and how meaningless my life is.

My previous life doesn’t appeal to me anymore but I don’t know what I want my future to look like either. It’s as if I’ve forgotten what makes me happy and what brings me real satisfaction. I also feel angry with myself for being so cheap and frivolous. What was I thinking? Melony, email A It’s not that unusual for people who get divorced to have a promiscuous period afterwards. The continuous seeking out of new sexual partners is your subconscious looking for acceptance and a boost to your self-image. For some, especially those who’ve been cheated on, divorce is followed by a time of “madness” during which they seek validation in this way.

But your time of madness has now passed and Covid-19 has brought home the importance of quality relationships. You need to take some time to figure out what makes you truly happy.

Don’t frantically search for a new partner – there will be time for that later. Rather focus on yourself, what you want your life to be like and what you need to be healthy. Once you’ve found your equilibrium you’ll be ready to have a meaningful relationship again.

‘You are the sky. Everything else – it’s just the weather’

– TIBETAN BUDDHIST NUN AND TEACHER PEMA CHÖDRÖN