Ask Dr Louise
I’m single, gay and live with my parents. I earn a good income and try to assist my parents financially. My sister, who’s married with two children, lives nearby and I’ve had enough of the way she abuses me and my parents.
Her husband wants to drive the most luxurious car as he wants people to think he’s rich. The problem is my parents and I have to take the children to school while their father sleeps in. We are the ones who supervise their homework otherwise it’s not done, and we buy their clothes and stuff for school. My sister and her husband are constantly getting into debt and I have to bail them out.
My sister has now come to me with huge creditcard debt she’s unable to pay and wants me to sort it out. I love her, but this is all just too much.
She and her husband don’t take responsibility for anything. I know if I refuse to pay she’s just going to ask my parents and they’ll be willing to help her out of her mess. What can I do? Ian, email
Your sister and her husband have been spoilt rotten by your parents – and by you. That is what has allowed them to incur debt and live beyond their means. The only people who can put a stop to it is you and your parents. It’s especially unfair that your parents should spend their hard-earned money on your sister and her husband.
Talk to your parents, tell them how you feel and suggest that the three of you set some rules – one of these being that no future debts belonging to your sister or her husband will be paid by you or by them.
Another rule should be that they take responsibility for their children – they should take them to school every day (you and your parents are only there to help out in emergencies) and supervise their homework. If they feel they can’t manage it they should get an au pair – and pay for this themselves.
Once you and your parents have come to an agreement, arrange a meeting with everyone so you can inform them of the new family rules. It is vital that you and your parents don’t allow any deviation from the rules as that would only enable your sister and her husband to continue their irresponsible behaviour.