I’M USING FOOD TO FILL THE GAP

QI have an unhealthy relationship with food. I order meals to be delivered and a little while after eating it I’ll order more even though I’m no longer hungry.

I’m lonely because most of my friends have moved away and so I don’t have anyone I can invite to go out to dinner with. I’ve been studying for several years and am now completing my doctoral degree and so this has taken most of my focus and attention. I feel as if I’ve allowed life to pass me by. What can I do? Derek, email

AThere are two possible reasons for your behaviour with regard to food. The first is that food is nurturing and you’re unconsciously nurturing yourself because you’re not getting that from friends or other people. The second is that you may be using food as a sort of reward for studying hard or reaching a goal.

You need to change your lifestyle. What would be the point of finishing your studies if in the process you mess up your health and your life? Balance is important in life. Yes, you need to work hard, but you also need to relax. You’ve been working too much and not making time for friends or relaxing me-time.

Start putting effort into building friendships again. Pursue your hobbies. Get involved in activities you enjoy, be it cycling, hiking or something artistic – it’s a great way to meet people who enjoy the same things you do.

Set strict boundaries with regard to work and don’t let it continue to cut into your time to socialise and have fun. If you make these changes and find you still have an unhealthy relationship with food, consult a psychologist to help you address the issue.

‘THE OPPOSITE OF LONELINESS IS NOT TOGETHERNESS, IT’S INTIMACY’

– RICHARD BACH