Ask Dr Louise
‘ANY FOOL CAN KNOW. THE POINT IS TO UNDERSTAND’
– ALBERT EINSTEIN
MY PARENTS’ PROMISE TO ME MEANT NOTHING
Q My mother and father promised me that when I complete Grade 12 they will pay for me to go to university. I’m due to matriculate at the end of this year.
My parents told me yesterday that they don’t have the money to send me to university because my father was retrenched during lockdown. He hasn’t found another job and we’re now living on my mother’s salary.
I’m so angry with them. Why didn’t they invest money for my studies long before this difficult time? Why wait until I’m about to go to university before trying to make a plan? Their promises meant nothing and I think they’re not very good parents for having done this to me.
Other parents would have invested in a study plan as soon as I was born! What do I do now? I feel like leaving school and getting a job so I can get out of my parental home. Harry, email
A Yes, your parents could have taken out some sort of investment for your education when you were born, but perhaps they couldn’t afford it then with a new baby in the house and all the expenses that come with that.
Obviously your parents bargained on the fact that once you finished school they would be in a financial position to pay for your studies. But nobody could have foreseen the Covid-19 pandemic and the devastation it would cause on an economic level.
What you’re experiencing is one of the basic things life is about – having disappointments and learning to overcome them. It would be the wrong thing to leave school now as there’s very little work available for school-leavers.
Rather complete your schooling – it would be shortsighted not to – and perhaps by the end of the year the economy will have improved somewhat and you can then look for a part-time job. You can study part-time and figure out how to finance it yourself. Many students have done so and learnt important life lessons along the way.
Instead of being angry with your parents, try to support them during this difficult time – just as they’ve supported you throughout your life.
I’M HEAD OVER HEELS IN LOVE WITH MY OLDER BROTHER’S FRIEND
Q I’m madly in love with my brother’s friend who is three years older than me. They’re at university together and I’m in Grade 12.
The problem is this guy views me as a “little sister” and obviously doesn’t think of me in romantic terms.
What can I do to make him see that I’m grown up now and am in fact a woman, not a little girl he can pat on the head and make jokes with?
I’ve tried to persuade my brother to take me along with them on a night out so I can dress up and make him see I’m not a kid anymore but my parents won’t allow it and my brother also tells me I will spoil their fun. Lizette, email
A Your brother’s friend might have already noticed that you’ve grown up but doesn’t want to make it obvious that he has so as not to offend your brother or your parents.
Don’t get anxious about it. Focus on your studies and allow this year to pass, and you may find that next year when you’re at university or college he might view you in a different light – and your brother and parents may be less protective of you too.
In the meantime, be nice and charming to him when he visits your brother but take care not to do anything that may harm your chances with him – such as telling him that you’re madly in love with him. That probably wouldn’t be a good idea right now.
HOW DO I GET MY MALE COLLEAGUES TO TREAT ME AS AN EQUAL?
Q I’ve recently been promoted to the top-management level of my company. However, I’m the only woman in the boardroom and I feel as if the men don’t see or appreciate me for my skills.
I think they just see my looks – people tell me I’m quite attractive – then assume I’m dumb. I want them to treat me as they do the other board members and not take what I say lightly. How do I get this to happen? Germaine, email
A It is most likely a new experience for the men to have a beautiful woman as a fellow board member who should be treated as a colleague and not just as eye-candy. They also have to get used to that and you will have to help them do so.
You won’t help them by being abrasive or oppositional towards them as this is unlikely to give them the impression that you’re competent – it is more likely to make them think you’re competitive.
A better way is to show them how intelligent you are by preparing well for meetings, giving praise where it is deserved and sharing a different point of view when you feel it really matters. Be prepared to make your argument and preferably offer an alternative solution.
Let your skills speak for themselves. As soon as they realise you’re bringing something to the table and see that your input is valuable, they’ll start treating you as a colleague and not just as a looker.