HIS BROTHER DOESN’T APPROVE OF ME

I’ve been with my boyfriend for a year. Everything started out perfectly and he is my greatest supporter, but things are not good when it comes to his favourite brother. I get along with everyone in his family except the brother. I get the feeling each time we speak that he does not like me or approve of me.

This brother lives in England and we’ve only spoken over WhatsApp calls. I feel my boyfriend tried to force us to form a relationship. We have fought so much about this. He thinks I don’t want to make an effort with things or people that are important to him. I love him and what’s important to him is important to me, but there’s just something about his brother and sister-in-law – it’s like they don’t think anyone is good enough for him.

I’ve told him we can’t be together anymore and he moved out. But I don’t want to break up with him as he’s the best thing that has ever happened to me.

We speak but it is different – he’s distant and seems uninterested. He says he needs time to see what he wants. When I ask if I should give him space and allow him to deal with the matter, he sees this as me wanting to end things. When I message too much, he feels I’m trying to force his hand.

I know can be passive-aggressive and I’m an overthinker and let my emotions run away with me, so what can I do to end this confusion? Kelly, email

It’s unfair of his brother and sister-in-law to make a judgement about you if they don’t even know you well. It does seem as if they want to have a say in your boyfriend’s life. He seems confused about what he wants and no relationship can work on this basis.

End the relationship and tell him he needs to take some time to think about things and make up his own mind – is he willing to be in a relationship with you and draw a line with his family? Is he willing to stand up against his brother and sister-in-law? When you break up with him you should stop texting him and try to get on with your life. Give him some time and space to really think about what he wants.

It’s good that you have enough self-awareness to realise what your weaknesses are and you should use the time to address the way in which these tendencies – especially passive-aggressive behaviour – may also cause problems in your relationships. It would benefit you to consult a psychologist about this.