WHAT IF HE BECOMES JUST LIKE THEM?

Q I went with my boyfriend to visit his family for three weeks during the holidays. It was terrible, to say the least. His family are very affluent but they are the most horrid people.

While my boyfriend has a good heart and seems to be humble, his family are just the opposite. Money is everything to them. They boast about what they have and it’s very important for them what car they drive, where they stay and what people think of them.

They treat their staff (domestic, driver, gardener, pool guy) very poorly. They don’t even have the decency to say “please” or “thank you”. They breeze into the most expensive restaurants as if they own them, give the waiter a hard time and then leave a measly tip. Nothing is good enough for them.

I come from a humble family who struggled financially but my parents taught me to respect other people and that no work is demeaning or too humble. They taught me to be kind and help where I can. I believe money can’t buy happiness.

My problem is what do I do about my boyfriend? He’s the only son and destined to inherit everything. What if he becomes just like them? We’ve only been dating for a few months so I don’t know him that well. Beatrice, email

A Your boyfriend obviously grew up in a very affluent family, but someone in the family must have done something right (maybe a grandfather or grandmother) and taught him compassion and humility and that money is not everything.

Perhaps it is also his nature – not everything is decided by the people who nurture you. Many a parent will tell you their child’s inherent nature is obvious from birth.

Give your boyfriend the benefit of the doubt for now and take time to get to know him better. Don’t commit to a serious relationship, like getting engaged or moving in together any time soon. You need to let time reveal who he really is.

It’s very difficult for someone to keep up a front for an extended period. There will be situations that will allow you to see who he really is, possibly when things are not going well or are stressful or you have a problem to deal with.

Good for you for not being blinded by the gold trimmings and keeping your feet on the ground.