I’VE NEVER HAD AN ORGASM

I’m 49 and have never been able to have an orgasm. My husband and I recently went on holiday with a group of friends and all the women got talking about how they have such amazing orgasms and how it thrilled them and what it did for their relationships.

All I could do was just sit and listen in wonder. Can something be done about it? Can I learn to be orgasmic instead of just faking it all the time? Bronwin, email

You may have a condition known as anorgasmia, which is more common in women than in men. It is a type of sexual dysfunction characterised by difficulty reaching orgasm in spite of adequate stimulation. The good news is it can be treated with therapy – what seems to be most effective is a combination of hypnotherapy and cognitive therapy.

What often happens in someone who’s anorgasmic is that instead of simply allowing their body to feel and react, they try to control their bodies on a cognitive level. Essentially what this means is you’re thinking about it too much and almost willing yourself to have an orgasm, rather than focusing on the sensations in your body.

It creates a cycle where the more you try to have an orgasm, the less likely it is you’ll have one.

To have an orgasm, it’s important to relinquish control. That’s why it’s often women who like to or have to be in control all the time who find it difficult to orgasm. There are other factors that may be involved in anorgasmia, such as viewing sex as wrong, sinful or dirty. Hypnosis can be used to change these deep-seated beliefs.

You’re missing out on a wonderful experience, and not being able to orgasm can also affect your relationship with your partner, so it’s important to seek professional help.

‘THE MOST TERRIFYING THING IS TO ACCEPT ONESELF COMPLETELY’

– SWISS PSYCHOANALYST CARL JUNG