SHOULD I ‘FORGET’ TO TAKE THE PILL?

My husband and I have been married for 10 years. He told me from the start he doesn’t want to have children (his father physically abused him). I agreed at first, but I was 22 years old and I didn’t think that one day I’d want kids because I had other dreams.

I’m now 32 and desperate to have a baby, but my husband still refuses. I’ve been on the contraceptive pill and I recently started thinking I could simply “forget” to take it and hopefully fall pregnant – and then tell him after the fact.

I’m sure in time my husband will come to enjoy having a child. What do you think? Karen, email

If you feel so strongly about it then it’s possible that by now your husband has realised you’ve changed your mind about having a baby. So besides the fact that it would be a betrayal of his trust, he probably also won’t fall for the story that you “forgot” to take your birth control pill.

Deciding to have a child is a major life decision and “surprising” him with something he feels so strongly about will probably cause a very serious problem in your marriage. He is likely to feel betrayed, angry and resentful over the lie.

It’s better to discuss your change of heart with him, or preferably with a professional. A psychologist can help him understand why he feels so strongly about it and might suggest individual therapy to help him work through his past before the two of you make a decision.

Your husband trusts you to keep your word. Don’t break that bond because if you do, it will be extremely hard to repair.