WE DON’T AGREE ABOUT THE EDUCATION OF OUR CHILDREN

Q My wife and I divorced three years ago and our kids are now 12 and 14. She and I differ greatly regarding their education. She believes children should be disciplined, have boundaries and shouldn’t be allowed to make free choices. I believe kids should be free to make their own choices.

My ex believes kids’ time on technology such as cellphones should be limited. I believe they should be allowed as much time on their phones as they want and that they will eventually have enough and then turn their attention to something else.

She believes kids should have study time and that their homework should be checked. I believe our kids are old enough to take responsibility for their own homework. What would you advise? Brandon, email

A Children should have boundaries. But they should have choices within those boundaries and the choices should become more complex as they grow older. For example, a toddler can be given a choice of two outfits to wear, while teenagers can be given a choice between two social events to attend (of which the parents approve) on a weekend.

Children’s time with technology should definitely be restricted, as should their access to certain websites. It is possible for people to become addicted to their devices, so allowing kids unlimited time on their cellphones isn’t only dangerous but also short-sighted as they are unlikely to develop a healthy, balanced approach to it.

The internet is not a safe place for children to have free reign. Parents need to be aware of the dangers, particularly of sexual grooming, and must do as much as they can to restrict what young child have access to online.

Homework supervision is important for children who are in primary school but once kids are at high school they should take responsibility for their homework. That said, parents should still observe if homework is indeed being done and if not, this should be addressed.

‘YOU CAN’T STOP THE WAVES, BUT YOU CAN LEARN TO SWIM’

JON KABAT-ZINN