MY WIFE WON’T FORGIVE ME

Q About two years ago I had an affair with someone at work. At the time my wife and I were going through a rough patch and the grass seemed greener on the other side. I soon realised what a fool I’d been and that I love my wife dearly and wouldn’t want a life without her.

I confessed to my wife that I’d had an affair and we decided to put it behind us. The problem is my wife is unable to do so. Every time we have a disagreement it is brought up and she tells me I no longer love her and I am the sort of man that goes through life lying and cheating (which I am definitely not).

Every now and then she insists I tell her every sordid detail of the affair and this makes it even worse. What can I do? Mark, email

A If this continues and you get stuck in the same cyclical conversation over and over again it will eventually damage your marriage beyond repair.

You and your wife need to consult with a psychologist who specialises in marriage counselling to help you figure out how to process what happened and move on.

It may also help for your wife to see a therapist on her own to work through her feelings so she can let go of the memories and the anger that are connected to the event. She is punishing you and herself each time she wants you to talk about the affair and it is only making things worse.

Don’t give her any more details – tell her that you are no longer willing to revisit the mistake you made and would rather focus on what the two of you need to do to move past it.