YOU (South Africa)

I’M HAUNTED BY HIS SUICIDE

- Write to Dr Louise, PO Box 39410, Moreletapa­rk 0044, or email info@drlouise.co.za.

Q I recently found my boyfriend of two years in his home – he’d tried to commit suicide by shooting himself in the head. He was still alive when I found him and I tried to keep him alive while emergency services were called but on arrival the paramedics declared him dead.

At that stage I was full of blood and on the verge of collapsing. The worst of it all is I don’t know why he wanted to commit suicide. He didn’t seem depressed and we were planning a holiday overseas.

I’ve been getting flashbacks of when I found him, lying on the carpet bleeding, and I wake up at night in terror.

I can’t sleep well. I feel as if my life has come to an end because I really saw my boyfriend as the man I wanted to marry. I don’t know how to make sense of what happened. What can I do to get out of this state? Margaret, email

A How devastatin­g for you to experience something like this. It must have been incredibly traumatic and, unsurprisi­ngly, it seems you are now suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). The flashbacks, the nightmares, having trouble sleeping and your sense of a shortened future are all symptoms of PTSD.

You need to consult with a clinical psychologi­st who can help you deal with the trauma you went through.

It may be beneficial to see a psychologi­st who is trained in hypnothera­py so that he or she can help you to reframe this horrific event in your mind, help you to get a sense of perspectiv­e and to say goodbye to your boyfriend as well as the dream you had of a future together.

Bereavemen­t guidance can also be helpful. If you don’t address the symptoms you’re experienci­ng now, it could become worse with time as the thoughts become embedded in your psyche.

Sometimes people can hide their depression very well – it is referred to as masked depression. This makes it very difficult for loved ones to tell that there’s something wrong.

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