WHY CAN’T I HAVE A BABY?

Q

My husband and I have been trying to fall pregnant for three years. We’ve consulted fertility experts and had treatment but to no avail. My friends and family are giving us a hard time – each time they visit they ask us when we’re going to have a baby.

I’m so despondent and feel like a failure. Why do other women fall pregnant so easily (some even when they don’t want a baby!) and I have to struggle so much when it’s my heart’s desire? What can I do? I’m so desperate for a child. Danielle, email

A

It’s clearly something you want very much, but the fact that you’re obsessing over it and becoming stressed out about it might in fact prevent you from conceiving. As difficult as it might be, you need to try not to let your desire to have a child take over your life. You need to accept that whether it happens or not is ultimately out of your hands. At some point you’ll have to start thinking about what you’re going to do if you get to the point where it’s clear you aren’t destined to conceive and experience pregnancy.

Will you consider going the surrogacy route? Or would you consider adopting? There are many children who don’t have parents and need a good, loving home – although this might also be a difficult road with plenty of challenges.

You could also choose to become involved with organisations or institutions that help children in need of care. Give it some thought so you have something in mind if you have to go with plan B.

If you keep obsessing about having a child and it doesn’t happen you can become bitter and miss out on other wonderful moments in life.